#definitely does not hit dead on some very specific 'hi that scarred me for life and i don't think it's particularly fucking funny' buttons!

[quirklessidiot]

Title: first meetings [ii. the small pink-haired boy] Genre: just angst, drama, romance, historical fiction Pairing: Sorcerer!Sukuna x gn!sorcerer!reader (heian era; pre-curse sukuna)

Synopsis: in which you befriend the slave boy you’re supposed to spy on.

Warnings: not canon stuff, future dark themes,, smoll manga spoilers, slavery, whipping, mentions of rape, language and violence Notes: im kinda back i guess skksks also these are pretty much random au’s of my own take of sukuna’s back story uwu, theyre arranged in no particular order and you can read them in any order. This started out as a random one shot and i couldnt get it out of my head lol ksksksks, def not canon btw but it is canon that sukuna used to be an all powerful sorcerer before he turned to the dark side or smthng.

lil dictionary: non-person-  usually what they called slaves during the heian era.

masterlist [for other parts] ;; taglist 

“That’s beautiful.”

Contrasting to your rather clean and prestigious appearance, the young boy was dressed in rags and had dirt painted on his face. You could tell by his uncommon red eyes that he didn’t want you here nor did he even want to be associated with you.

“...the boy is rather prideful.” your otosan recounted a few nights before, you’d usually have conversations like this since you were quite close with him and he did like to confide you with these things,“but he has spirit, he’d be good for a ward.”

“What are you doing here?” He spat, being a part of and the sole heir of your family meant you were also treated with dignity and respect, it seemed like this boy wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone, this made you grin wildly much to his disdain, “Oi, stop grinning like that. You’re creeping me the fuck out.”

“I’m Y/N.”

“And I don’t care.” 

“Has anyone told you that you’ve got quite the temper?”

“Well, has anyone told you that you’re being an annoying bitch?” he bit back, five minutes into your first meeting, this strange boy seemed to want to get furthest away from you. He seemed to be rather ignorant to his overflowing cursed energy, your father was right, this boy was definitely no joke. 

“That’s sad.” You pouted, “All I wanted to say was how beautiful that Kimono is.”

“I was at a store, looking for some clothes that best suited you when I saw a young boy of your age…” your otosan narrated, “Who had a rather high cursed energy, he seemed unaware with it. He works as an errand boy, I believe, he carries heavy clothes and silk… His looks are hard to miss Y/N, so I’m sure you won’t miss him...try to talk to him…”

The boy looks up to you, completely annoyed, “Well, you said it. Now fuck off, yeah?”

You chose to ignore him and just bend down to his level, you had no training for today so you might as well join the boy for a moment since you had time to kill, “You know, if you keep keeping that attitude up, you might scare the customers away.” you mumbled, loud enough for him to hear.

“Yeah?” he clicked his tongue, “Looks to me that you aren’t even here to buy anything.”

“He seemed rather…” Your otosan described, “perplexed...so you might as well go in my stead…”

“Ah.” your grin doesn’t seem to fade despite his rather rough way of speaking, “You just seemed around my age so I got interested.”

“No shit, now buzz off. I got no time for kids like you.”

He talks as if he was older than you, it’s no surprise. Boys like him tend to think they know quite a lot.

“Do you wish to tell me your name now?”

He was silent for a moment.

That’s when realization dawned upon you, why he seemed perplexed around your otosan, why he thinks you were an annoying buzz, and why he couldn’t reply when you asked for his name. You feel yourself inwardly cringe at your mistake, it seems like the boy your father took interest in is a slave with no name, “Twenty.” he mumbles, shrugging nonchalantly.

“What?”

“They call me twenty.” he recounts, his voice is still rough around the edges, remaining uncensored by his identity.

“Right…” you tilt your head, “Twenty…”

“You’ve got silks to bring to the next town, boy!” a loud voice calls out, cutting you short, making the pink-haired boy put the pretty kimono down and back for display. Without even sparing you a glance or a word, he retreats to the back and you’re left squatting there alone. You watch him from behind, specifically at the bandages that peeked through his wrists.

The boy had piqued your interest to the point that you made it your weekly agenda to visit him and a-some-nights agenda to watch over him. He still ignores you and seems to be annoyed by you every time but he doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it so you just sit there. 

You were also still in awe by how much raw energy he possessed, you’d ask your otosan if he knew any sorcerers with lost children because it surely seemed as if this boy wasn’t ordinary.

“Just keep an eye on him,” was all your father said as you watch the boy close up shop late at night from on top of a roof, “He might make a great sorcerer and shift the tides.”

Your otosan was not one for gambling on people but it seemed like he made a large bet on this boy. 

As usual, you’re watching over him close up. It’s late and the owner of the place walks out, a pipe on his lips. Right then and there, he slaps the pink-haired teenager right at the face, “You should’ve joined the customer awhile ago in the dressing room, boy.” he growls, “It would’ve been quick…”

You feel the negative energy emit stronger than ever and your grip on your knife is tight, “Don’t get involved, Y/N.” your otosan’s warning echoes in your head, yes your otosan may have been interested in him but he was never one to dwell in human affairs, saying they were annoying and a mess to clean up.

“...It seems like the lesson a few nights ago wasn’t enough.” you snap back to reality and watch his boss stretch out a whip with its pointy ends and you feel your blood run cold. 

‘Don’t get involved-’

You ignore your otosan’s words in your head and throw a stone right at a nearby sign, resulting in a booming clang, making the cat nearby yelp outloud. The pink-haired boy jumps on the spot and so does the older man at the sound.

“Ah fucking-” the older man curses, tucking the whip back in, “No food for you for three days. Know your fucking worth, non-person.”

Your grip on your nodachi lessens as you let out a sigh of relief, whatever legal terms your father must be talking about needs to be done quickly.

On the next day, you’re on your way to visit him again. Carrying the bento box that you know he’ll refuse again because of his ‘pride’ yet you stop dead on your tracks when you find his owner and an older man talking, Sukuna seems to be standing behind them, looking quite uncomfortable.

It didn’t take two and two to guess what was going on, the amount of cursed energy leaking on him was strong so you could only guess this was the man who wanted to get his way on him yesterday. Your nose crinkles in absolute disgust, “Don’t get involved-”

Once again, you ignore your otosan’s words.

“Hey!” You call out, you see his red eyes widen, “What are you doing?”

The older man frowns at your sudden appearance, “None of your business brat. Now go home-”

“I said,” You repeated, your voice dangerously low, “What are you doing to him?”

“He’s a non-person, kid.” his ‘owner’ growls, you notice his hands dangerously close to his whip, “A fucking slave in simpler terms, now get the fuck out before I beat him and you.”

“You don’t scare me.” Your eyes are narrowed, truthfully, no one ever scares you. You were the heir of your clan. It was to be expected and drilled since your curse energy manifested when you were five that fear would come last, “Now unhand the boy.”

“This bitch-”

“Now, now.” The other man smiles, cutting the pink-haired boy’s ‘owner’ off,  “Maybe I can take that young child with me too. After all, they seem to be good friends. Two is better than one…”

You watch the other older man snake an arm on the young boy’s shoulder and you could feel the fear leaking out, it was harder to mask and hide now. 

“Is it alright to put a little scar on’em? So that they’d know-” He gets ready to take out the whip while your fists are clenched, this would be easy. You could get away with this later, at least you’d take the boy away from this place and help him control his energy after. 

Yet before you’re able to land a blow, the pink-haired boy yells at you to move as his ‘owner’ takes out a whip to whip you.

For someone who didn’t seem to like your presence, he was rather quick to defend you, having his face get hit in the process by the sharp whip. Your eyes widen in surprise, “Ah, shit… Y/N, run!” he yells but you’re staring at his very bloody face.

It would obviously leave marks like the wrists and who knows which parts since he was always covered by that very loose raggedy kimono.

You clench your fists tightly and look up from his blood features, the ‘owner’ stops on his tracks when he meets your very cold gaze, “Do you know who you just messed with?” you asked, “You really think I won’t tell my otosan that you planned to make me your prostitute?”

“Y-Y/N, jesus christ just fucking run-” he tried to stutter out, any evidence of the prideful and strong boy who tried to shoo you away was now gone.

Yet like the stubborn child you are, you ignore him and instead take out your family seal and drop it in front of them, ignoring the pink-haired boy’s plea’s and watching the two men in front of you turn white as a ghost as they see the nameplate, “My name is Ryomen Y/N.” You stated, voice loud and clear, “And you better hope that I’ll let you out here dead or me and my otosan will hunt you down for the rest of your life.”

taglist [if your name is crossed out, i cant tag you!] @shinhiromi ;; @hcn421 ;; @airybnb ;; @coldbookworm ;; @kristineyoshaii ;; @frankenstein852​

@iguessimastannnow

[faerienextdoor]

general relationship hcs with (some) pastas

Fair warning, I'm using and hinting at mine and my friends’ writing for these creeps :) enjoy  also as soon as i figure out how to open an ask box, I’ll be accepting requests

Brian:

- oh where to start with this absolute himbo

- he melts around you. like he's your bitch, and you're his.

- he's the type of boyfriend that takes you out in the snow and shoves a handful down the back of your jacket, and laughs until you shove snow in his face

- it is snow war

- it ends with you cuddling him, wrapped in a blanket and content in front of the burning fire he got started just for you <3

- but he also has some weird... habits.

- drinks pickle juice.

- gets his hand stuck in the jar.

- looks at you like 🥺 until you sigh and help him. for the fifteenth time.

- he can cook some basic breakfast foods, and happily breaks out a cookbook to prepare you something as a surprise or to learn something with you!!

- baking with him would be a mess. he forgets flour goes everywhere and now you both look like you took a bath in cocaine

- but the cupcakes are mediocre at best. they aren't absolute garbage, so... cupcake points!

- he worries about how hoodie treats you. he doesn't remember anything when he regains control, but you've reassured him hoodie is just fine.

- and he is

(hoodie)

- hoodie is like a rottweiler or a doberman.

- protective. intimidating. energetic.

- but also a giant fucking baby.

- this large ass man lumbers over and drops to his knees. places his chin on your lap and stares at you from the fabric of his mask until you stop what you're doing and stroke his head awkwardly

- you could swear he does those happy grumbled a rottie does.

- hoodie is silent but shows he loves you just as much as brian does. He strokes your hair silently, even places a kiss to the crown of your head as you sink into his beefy arms.

- he smells nice too. surprisingly.

- but that raises the question: if hoodie showers, does he shower with that damn thing on?

- you won't get an answer if you were to ask.

- brian introduces you to his grandma julia. and she dotes on you.

- the immortal old lady remarks that you’re the best s/o brian has brought to her yet.

Tim:

- a lumberjack man with biceps like a fucking tree trunk

- how'd you land him? give me your secrets (/j)

- he's such a love bug. a tired stressed love bug.

- he finds /every/ excuse to have physical contact with you. it's like a little touch from you reassures him that you're real. you're like a dream to him.

- he's the best for cuddles. He holds you to his chest

- and you get special access to his moobs

- and he gently strokes your head, traces shapes into your back, etc. it's a special intimate moment each time.

- my man's is italian-american but can't cook to save his fucken life

- he always gets your favorite microwave meals though!! he never forgets.

- not feeling good? dw baby he's making it for you <33 shitty low tier bean and cheese burrito coming up

- slowly he learns the basics and surprises you with lunch or even dinner if you're lucky!!

- he loves you so much. and wants you to feel it and know it. all the time.

(masky)

- god where to start with this bitch

- he's not jeff levels of bad ofc, but he's silent and... weird. creepy, some may say. he doesn't mean to be.

- and he's a hard ass. far more strict than tim.

- he follows you around like a giant fucken puppy and will spook you by grabbing you abruptly and holding you tightly

- you can't escape him. he really utilizes his physical strength

- he loves lifting you up and just... holding you. or carrying you off.

- protective and overbearing.

- but tim keeps him under control.

(angst)

- he wouldn't want to lose you like he lost his last wife.

- you find pictures of a woman laying around and a small girl that bears a striking resemblance to her and tim.

- tim goes quiet and questioned but eventually caves and tells you about his family

- or what he used to have

- his wife died and his daughter disappeared.

- it broke him and you're all he has left now

- constantly needs your affection in return to his own

- pls love him

jeff:

- why the fuck would you date him

- he's the absolute worst in so many aspects. But he genuinely tries for you.

- even if his gifts are shitty, it's nice to know he thoughts of you, right? even if it's a half dead flower or a rib torn from a deer caraccas.

- but you get the butt end of his shithead antics. ranch bath, specifically. he smelt like spoiled milk for a week after and you had to cuddle that fucker.

- and don't get me started on mayo bath

- but he still loves finding himself in your arms. or finding you in his. he's demanding affection wise, and will yank you into him for some cuddles. whether you like it or not.

- he isn't one for a lot of pet names, but calls you curse words or "sweetheart" in polish.

- and you get to see the side of him that only shows when he breaks down.

(bit of angst)

- he misses his family and the life he used to have. he'll reminisce what it was like in poland with his mom and family with you, and you sometimes swear you can see his brown eyes gloss over at the memory of her.

- he never talks about his dad, you've noticed.

- don't ask.

- he brushes off heavy conversations with some dumb quip ("wanna see my renegade?")

- he sucks at cooking. god awful at it. but he really tries for you. manages a bowl of oat meal that's edible.

- but he overloads it with sugar and for some reason, salt.

- he's confused. he thinks that's normal (it isn't)

- his idea of a date is napping with you. or rather, forcing you into nap time.

- I mean it when I say this man is strong in a weird fucken way. latches onto you with that iron grip and you won't be able to leave for at least a few hours.

jane:

- ethereal wlw woman.

- could break you with her heels. or a flutter of what eyelashes she has.

- you're lucky to have her, and she's just as lucky to have you!

- she's sweet and charming. very smooth and takes good care of you.

- her love language is a mix of physical touch and acts of service.

- she'll cuddle you all night, and then make you breakfast in the morning.

- she loves showering with you when she's comfy enough around you! it's super intimate and she washes your hair.

- massages the soap into your hair, suds spilling down your neck and back as her fingers scrub circles into your scalp.

- it's heaven on earth. such a domestic life.

- it'll take a while for her to settle enough in the relationship for you to see her without her mask

- you make her feel so loved and wanted

- secure, even.

- she's protective but not controlling or overbearing. shes that type of girlfriend that's just a worrywart and relaxes as soon as you're curled up in her arms. you fit there perfectly, too. like you belong there.

- which you do. at least in her mind

- she has such a gentle touch and hold on you. like she's afraid you'll combust in her arms if she holds you too tightly.

- she loves stroking your hair and having you nap

- using her tiddies as a pillow 👌

(angst)

- she needs affirmation from you when it comes to her scars.

- she thinks that jeff ruined her. permanently marking her once spotless body.

- and she thinks you'll hate her or find her disgusting.

- that's why she freezes if/when you gently slip off her mask.

- she stares at you with those teary green eyes. then leans in and kisses you

- you make all of her worries disappear.

- she's also financially comfortable, but not really rich (on that topic: eat the rich)

- she spoils you every chance she gets. gifts, a nice dinner date, you name it

- she almost spoils you as much as she does her cat Emory

- little shit has the sparkliest fucken collar and acts like he's the shit

- he's your fur baby too now

Helen:

- oh my god this disaster of an art boi

- he's convinced he's the luckiest man in the world (and he might as well be!!)

- he obviously wouldn't have been the one to confess. but it was really obvious by how he painted and drew you constantly, that some feeling for you was lodged into his beating heart.

- he treats you like the finest china. with the most care a man can manage.

- he's the definition of clingy and affectionate from the very start.

- he curls around your sleeping form perfectly when y'all cuddle.

- his hand dances in your hair, soothing you into a dreamless sleep each night without fail.

- he has a magic touch and a gentle voice.

- and he cherishes you so fucken much. (like a simp /j)

- he shies away from kisses at first, but will hold your hand and melts if you hold his face in them!!!

- he's greek, and often speaks sweet things to you in it. he's so comfortable around you that he speaks in his native language to you. that's an accomplishment.

- he loves when you baby him. helen loves being cradled and loved.

- taking a nap with his head on your chest also hits different. he's so in love with you

(angst)

- he's afraid of losing you. who wouldn't be? you're amazing and you love /him/ of all people

- he thinks very negatively of himself. please scold him for self deprecating.

- he always worries he'll wake up and you'll be gone.

- so he holds you extra close at night. and follows you around when you leave for any reason. Trails behind you like a lost puppy in need of a gentle kiss.

- which, is what he essentially is

- and also: pls steal his sweater and wear it. he'll cry over how cute you are.

[alecmagnuslwb]

A Multiverse of Possibilities

Read on AO3

John watches as Zatanna, but not his Zatanna, picks up the little girl that’s the spitting image of the woman he loves. All except for the eyes, she’s got his eyes. The other him, a him with way less scars who managed to quit smoking cold turkey the day that little girl became a reality, walks over to them and kisses both girls on the head.

John looks away it feels like a private moment he isn’t supposed to see. He turns to see his Zatanna leaning against the doorway watching the same scene as him moving to meet his eyes and smile at him. She’s gorgeous in torn black jean shorts and fishnets. The jacket she stole from him years ago is slipping off one of her shoulders, her black and blue lace button up showing just a bit of that beautiful skin underneath; looking at her grounds him to reality, to their reality.

They’ve been at this for, well he’s not sure how long now hopping against their will from earth to earth. It all started in a fight against Nick, a spell got blasted at them and here they are. Upside they’ve sorted it’s a spell with a time limit, downside the time limit hasn’t been reached yet.

It’s a distraction tactic so Nick can no doubt steal something from the house of mystery he absolutely shouldn’t have his hands on. It’s a fifteen earths situation at best they estimate and they’re only halfway through.

They’ve met a version of themselves that were in a band, a lively duo that couldn’t keep their hands off each other; an evil edition of them that weirdly put some of his own self worth into perspective for him; a version of them with no magic. And of course there was the earth where he’s fairly certain they were both long dead and a very benevolent Nick was ruling it all, trying to take out another Zatanna and John for fun.

They even hit a world where he was alone, where he’d lost her years ago and was basically living every day to try and get himself killed too.

Somehow though that world where he saw quite possibly the worst most depressing version of himself hasn’t been the hardest. This one has. This one where they’ve been happily in love since they were nineteen, where they have magic but it’s not an apocalypse a minute, it’s just fun. This world where there’s photos of a small wedding that worked just right for them and baby pictures of a little girl that they had the safety and ability to bring into this world.

This world is reminding him of all the things, all the peace they’ll never get to have. It’s not that he thinks they should have kids or get married or any of that. It’s not that he’s not happy with her, that he doesn’t love her because god does he ever. He sure as hell doesn’t want to be the kind of guy that wears khaki shorts and even though any version of her is beautiful, he doesn’t really know how to come to terms with a Zatanna that wears pastels.

It’s just the possibility of it all, the possibility of this kind of safety he’ll never be able to give her that’s bugging him.

Zatanna takes his hand and tugs him along to the room that they’ve been set up in for however long they’ll be here. This version of them has been very hospitable and helpful in figuring out this spell, much more than any of the others before.

Zatanna shuts the door behind them quietly leaning back against it. She stretches her arms out in front of her and sighs in relief when her shoulders make a delicate popping sound. John looks at the bed and bypasses it shuffling over to the wall beside the large window.

John runs his hands through his hair with a sigh sliding down the wall slowly to sit on the floor. He rests his elbows on his knees and hangs his head between his legs moving his neck back and forth in the hopes of releasing the tension.

This earth hopping stuff is really getting to him.

He hears the familiar sound of Zatanna’s chunky heels come his way. She follows his lead sliding down the wall to sit beside him, her legs stretched out in front of her crossed at the ankles. From the corner of his eye John watches as Zatanna slowly twists the zipper of her jacket between her fingers.

They’re quiet for a while John still stretching his neck back and forth. After a few minutes Zatanna huffs reaching out a hand and placing it on the back of his neck. She moves her fingers slowly, rhythmically in circles that feels just right. She whispers something he can’t quite make out under her breath and the tingle of her magic joins the rhythmic motion. He melts into her hand, into her magic like butter feeling the tension in his body evaporate.

Eventually he lifts his head when her magic subsides, but her fingers stay in place playing small circles into his skin.

“Do you ever think we could have had it better?” he asks surprising himself a bit with saying the words out loud. Her fingers fall from his neck and she turns her body to face him moving in a little bit closer. She looks a little forlorn and John reads it as her thinking he’s not happy with her, with what they have which is the last thing he wants.

“I don’t mean to say our life sucks or anything,” he quickly adds on and the concern on her face washes away just a bit. “But just seeing all these other versions of us, of how it could have gone I just think about how much easier it could have been for us.”

He sighs dropping his legs and tilting his head to the side to meet her eyes.

“I mean maybe if I just made a few damn better choices we could be living like this,” he says gesturing around them. “White picket fence and a kid and all that happily ever after. Maybe we wouldn’t be stuck in a damn earth hopping spell cast on us by our evil ex best friend that’s already nearly got you killed once.”

Zatanna tilts her head in thought while she twines her arm around his. For a while it’s just the quiet silence of her thinking and the soft chirping of crickets outside.

“Maybe,” she says eventually. “Maybe it would be easier or maybe it’d be harder. Maybe this world has something easier than we did, but maybe there’s a world out there that’s had it far worse. Hell, we’ve seen it.”

“Yeah, but-“ he starts but she stops him lifting her free hand to his lip to quiet him.

“No, no but’s, and hold in that joke you’re dying to make for a minute please,” she says with a teasing glint in her eyes as she drops her hand. He stays quiet even though he smiles just a bit. “We have the hand we were dealt, and yeah we could have done some things differently and sometimes I wish we both had.” She says emphasizing the both, never allowing him to take on all the blame of the things that have gotten in their way over the years.

“But we didn’t and I could spend days thinking about one thing or another that could be different, obsessing over all the worlds I know that might be out there, some that now I’ve seen. About how it could have been easier, or worse, but if I did that I’d forget to embrace what we have,” she says lifting up a hand to gently move along the stubble on John’s face. “It hasn’t been smooth sailing for us, it probably never will be, but it’s what we have. It’s us and I can’t change how it’s happened or what will happen, and honestly I don’t think I’d want to not in the long run.”

“Really?” he asks entwining his fingers with hers as her hand drops from his face.

“Really,” she says with an affirming nod. “Would you?”

“I mean I’d like to have a few less scars, maybe not so many near death experiences,” he says.

Zatanna huffs. “Well, okay, but where would be the fun in that.”

John laughs at that a low rumbling chuckle that he feels deep in his chest, the kind only she can bring out in him.

“It all got us here,” she says and John raises an eyebrow at her. “Well, maybe not specifically here since I’d really love to just go the fuck home, but you know here,” she emphasizes squeezing his fingers and using their joined hands to gesture between the two of them. “That’s all that really matters at the end of the day.”

She’s right he realizes, maybe it’s been a little fucked along the way, but the end destination has still been the same. It’s them. It’s always them. John resituates them so that she’s cradled more against his chest, his arms wrapped around her keeping her close.

“You’re right and you’re too damn good for me, you know that?” he says pressing a kiss to her hair. She pulls his arms tighter around her.

“I’m always right,” she says tilting her head back just enough so that she meets his eyes with a smile.

They sit quietly again John playing shapes on the palm of one of her hands.

“Plus, I don’t ever want to live in a world where you wear khaki cargo shorts,” Zatanna says suddenly tilting up her to look at him with a joking smile.

John laughs tilting his head back against the wall.

“Yeah, those are definitely a choice aren’t they,” he says still chuckling.

“You’d be a nightmare with that many pockets,” she muses. “Filling them with cigarettes and magical totems no one should be casually carrying around in their pockets.”

John huffs fake offended. “Hey now, I’d keep some snacks in one of those pockets too,” he defends. “You always get so hungry when we get stuck in earth hopping curses,” he teases with a smirk.

Zatanna giggles at that settling in even closer to him. “It burns a lot of calories.”

John smiles pressing another kiss to her hair just as the now familiar circular shaped glow of orange, red and yellow appears beneath them. He sits up more fully at the same time she does bracing his arms around her as the bottom drops out, sending them toppling into the next world.

And for the first time it feels a little less daunting, they’re halfway back to their lives. Their lives that he’s glad to have and wouldn’t trade for anything.

[even-after-a-millennia]

Here Through the Dark and Beautiful

The third and final part of my What We Do For Family series is done!  You can read it down below or over on ao3 here!

(Also, there’s a scene in a club and I definitely put together a self-indulgent playlist of what I wanted to play, so here that is as well.)

Five years into Nile Freeman’s immortality, her immortal family took a break from fighting and from each other.  Well, sort of.  Nicky and Joe went off to Malta, smiling profusely as they drove off.  Andy and Quynh were going to stay right where they were, in the safe house in Greece, where if they looked out the window, they could see the glittering sea.

Which left Nile and Booker undecided on what they were going to do.

Nile didn’t even consider going somewhere on her own.  She turned to him and shrugged.  “I’ve never been to France?”

He chuckled, looking relieved.  “Ma choupette, you will have to be a little more specific than that.”

She smiled, conceding the point.  “The Louvre?”

“Nerd!” Quynh called from where she was sitting on the couch, her wife’s legs in her lap as Andy sprawled across the cushions.

Nile very maturely did not stick her tongue out at Quynh.  She did wrinkle her nose at her, but that was not the same.

“Very well, Nile,” Booker said, smiling.  “I will take you to the Louvre.”

After they packed their bags and headed out the door, Nile began to realize just what she had agreed to.  The team had agreed to take a month off before they would reconvene at Copley’s house near London and get briefed on their new assignment.

So she would be spending a whole month with Booker.

Alone.

Which was fine!  It was!  It was just… once Nile had become an immortal and helped save Booker from Merrick, ever since that early morning conversation they’d had about taking care of their mental health, they had become friends.  Surrounded by couples who loved them, they were the two loners.  That morning’s conversation had been the first of many, spanning countless cups of coffee and missions.  At this point, spanning years.

Nile loved her whole immortal family.  She loved Nicky’s gentle warmth, his inability to let her go without food for a long period of time, his small, proud smile when she had finally disarmed him in a sword fight.  She loved Joe, who painted with her and prayed with her, who would sleepily be there for her when she awoke with a nightmare.  She loved Andy, her fierceness and her kindness, her mentor who listened when Nile spoke and asked Nile how to use technology.  She loved Quynh, her fellow trickster, who clothes shopped with her and let her feel like a sister again when they did mischief together.  

Nile loved Booker, who had been sober for four years now and worked every day to pull himself away from the darkness that had swallowed him five years ago.  Whose scars on his heart were so similar to her own.  Who understood when she gasped awake clutching her throat sometimes, even years after her first death, because he sometimes did the same.  Who felt the ache of missing his family in a way that echoed hers.

She loved all of them.

The trouble was, she was falling in love with Booker.  It had started slowly, based on their shared experiences and the friendship that they had built as the years had gone on, but she had felt herself start to fall for him about a year ago.  A mission had gone bad and she had died very slowly.  She had woken in the back of their escape vehicle with her head resting in Booker’s lap.  His eyes, filled with worry and then relief, were the first thing that she saw.  In that moment, she realized that she wanted to wake up looking at him, without having to die first, for the rest of her immortality.

And that terrified her a bit.

Nile was surrounded by some of the greatest love stories in history, not that history would ever know that.  She knew it.  She saw it.  A love so deep it could span centuries of disagreements and fights and deaths.  A love that could go to the bottom of the ocean and back.  And through all that, to still look at the person who was their everything with love and certainty.

It was awe-inspiring.

She just didn’t know if she could ever have that.

But with Booker, she wanted to try.  And that was what scared her.  

“You okay, Nile?  You’ve been quiet since we left,” Booker asked as they flew towards Paris.

“Hmm?  Oh, sorry.  Got a lot on my mind, I guess,” she said, trying to shrug it off.

“Wanna talk about it?” Booker asked, leaning closer until their shoulders brushed.

Nile smiled softly, but shook her head.  “Nah, just thinking of all the art I’m going to see soon.”

Booker looked at her like he knew that she was bullshitting, but didn’t call her out on it, for which she was grateful.  Even though they confided a lot in each other, they knew when not to press.

“Ah, yes.  What are you looking forward to seeing most?”

“You did not just ask me that.”

Booker chuckled, holding up his hands.  “Sorry, you know art isn’t my expertise.”

“Oh sure, mister forger, I’m sure there aren’t any art replicas out there that came from you,” Nile teased, poking him in the side.

Booker ducked his head.  “I plead the Fifth.”

“You’re not American.”

“You are, are you not?”

“Well… technically, I guess.”  Nile looked out the window, melancholy lancing through her.  “Don’t you have to go to your home country every once in a while to claim citizenship?”

She felt Booker’s hand on hers.  “I’m sorry, ma belle, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Nile took a deep breath and shook herself, trying to dispel the tidal wave of emotion that had hit her.  Her movement jostled Booker’s hand and he pulled away.

Damn.

“It’s fine.  I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I understand.���

She knew he did.  Which is why she took a chance and slid a little closer, leaning her head on his shoulder.  He was tense for a moment, then relaxed as she settled in.

“Sleep, Nile.  I’ll wake you when we get there.”

“Thanks, Book,” Nile said, letting her eyes close and trying not to be obvious that she was breathing deeply, both to calm herself and to revel in the slightly pine-like smell that wafted off Booker’s neck.

________________________________________

Nile stood, ignoring the people walking around her, mouth open slightly as she stared at Nike’s statue.

“Isn’t it called The Winged Victory of Samothrace?” Booker asked from beside her, looking at the map in his hands.

Nile waved a hand at him, not looking away.  “Nike means victory, Book.  Keep up.”

“Ah.  Of course.”

Nile couldn’t stop looking at the statue.  “This has existed longer than Joe and Nicky.  It’s older than Joe and Nicky combined.”

“Still young compared to Andy, though.”

Again, Nile waved a hand at Booker.  “A lot of things are young compared to Andy, Book.  That’s not a fair comparison.”

“True.  I wonder if they have miniature versions of this in the gift shop,” Booker mused.

“Huh.  Maybe,” Nile said, finally turning away to grin at him.  “If not, I can just have you make one for me, huh?”

He laughed, throwing his head back.  “You are overestimating my abilities.”

She laughed with him as they started moving again.

There was so much to look at that Nile had only ever seen in books before.  It was almost overwhelming how much history they were looking at.  She was happy that she could tell Booker about a lot of the art, to the point that he put the map in his pocket so he could just listen to what she was saying.  Someone, another tourist, came up to her and asked her for more information once.  

Nile was having the time of her life.

Then, as they were walking through a crowd to get to the next exhibit, she glanced across the room. 

Standing there, unmistakably, was her brother.

Her hand shot out and grabbed Booker’s arm, gripping it tight.

“Nile?  What’s wrong?” he said, going instantly on alert.

“That-”  She couldn’t get the words out.  She cleared her throat.  “That’s my brother over there.”

“What?!”

Booker had turned to look too, but none of that mattered.  Jordan turned, maybe sensing the eyes on him, and looked directly at Nile.  And she got to watch as confusion, recognition, and devastation crossed over his face.

“NILE!” he shouted as he started to rush toward them.

“We need to leave,” she said through numb, unmoving lips.

“Go,” Booker said, putting something in her hand.  “I’ll be right behind you.”

Quynh had taught her how to melt into a crowd and disappear her first year of being an immortal.  Physically, it was so easy.  Mentally, every step away from Jordan hurt her.  But she couldn’t tell him the truth.  She couldn’t come back to her family after five years of being dead and expect them to be okay.  She couldn’t watch them get old, or sick, and die in front of her.  Not while she didn’t age a day.  It was better if she just stayed dead to them.  

But God, it hurt.

She got far enough away to feel safe and ducked behind a pillar.  She turned to Booker, only he wasn’t there.

“Book?”

But he was nowhere to be found.  She felt something in her hand and looked down, remembering that he had put something there before she had left.

A comm earbud?

She quickly put it in her ear and heard her brother’s voice shout her name again.  Nile sagged against the wall, a hand over her heart.

“Hey, man, can I help you?” she heard Booker say, only he didn’t sound like Booker.  He sounded… American?  What the hell?

“My sister, I just saw her here.  Did you see her?  Black woman, slim, with braids.  Name of Nile Freeman?” her brother demanded.

“Nile Freeman?  Wow, that’s not a name I’ve heard in a while.”

“You know her?” Jordan asked.

“I did.  We were in the Marines together.  We were on the same base.  I’m really sorry, man.  She was an amazing person.”

Jordan didn’t say anything.  Nile strained her ears to hear anything.  What was Booker doing?!

It sounded like Jordan let out a gust of air.  “Yeah.  She was.  I’m sorry, I was sure I’d actually seen her this time.”

God, hearing that, Nile’s heart shattered.

“Grief sucks like that,” Booker said, and his voice was rough.

“Yeah, it really fucking does.  I’m Jordan, by the way.  Nile’s younger brother,” her brother said.

Booker huffed out a laugh.  “Did your parents love rivers or something, to name both their kids after two?”

“My dad’s idea.  My mom humored him.”

“From what Nile told me, she is a formidable woman.  I’m Seb.  Nice to meet you, Jordan.”

Nile jerked at Booker giving a form of his real name.  Seriously, what was he doing?!

“Nice to meet you too.  So you were on the same base as Nile?”

“Yeah, for what- eight months?  I got shipped home just before...  Well.  You know.  Heard about it from a buddy of mine.  I’m truly sorry.”

There was silence, and Nile mentally begged Booker to keep talking.  Luckily, he did.

“Nile was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.  She radiated that to everyone.  Kept candy in one of her TAC vest pockets to give to the kids she met.  Strong too, just like her mom.  I was lucky to be able to work with her, however limited a time it was.”

Jordan let out a gust of air.  

“Nile would have loved it here,” he said.  “She wanted to go to art school after her deployment, did she tell you that?  Was always into this stuff.  My mom didn’t know much about it, but wanted her to chase her passion.  Just, we couldn’t afford it.  So Nile enlisted.  Scared the shit out of Mom, not that she would ever admit it.”

“How’s she doing?  Your mom,” Booker asked.

“She’s a fighter, just like Nile was.  There are still hard days, but she can look at Nile’s photo next to Dad’s and keep going.  We can talk about her a bit more, now.”

Nile knew where her dad’s photo was.  On her mom’s dresser, so every morning and every night, she would see him.

Now Nile’s picture was next to her dad’s.

She couldn’t stop the sob that emerged from deep in her chest.

“Could I get a picture?  My roommate will never believe that I ran into Nile Freeman’s brother otherwise,” Booker said.

It sounded like he was distracted, wrapping up the conversation.

“Of course!”

“Hey man, good talking to you,” Booker said, voice warm.

“Yeah, thanks for the stories.  Gotta keep her alive somehow, right?” Jordan said and Nile focused on his voice as hard as she could.  This would probably be the last time she heard it.

“Definitely.  Someone as amazing as Nile should never fully die.  Take care, Jordan,” Booker said.

“You too, Seb.  See you around.”

And he was gone.

Nile couldn’t stop sobbing.

“Nile, where are you?  Nile!  Please, you have to answer me,” Booker said over the comm.

Nile looked around the column she was hiding behind and gasped out the closest piece of art’s name.  

“I’m coming, don’t move.”

A hysterical laugh broke through the sobs for a moment.  Where would she even go?

Then he was in front of her.

“Oh, Nile.  Can I hold you?” Booker asked, his voice breaking.

Nile threw herself into his arms and truly let go.  She buried her face into Booker’s chest, hoping to contain the sounds of her sobs.  They were secluded enough to avoid awkward stares, but she was still aware of the spectacle she must be making of herself.  She started to take deep breaths, trying to stop crying.  

It was only when she started to calm that she could hear Booker’s soft murmurs of “I’m sorry, you’ll be okay, I know how you feel and I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, ma chérie, we’ll get through this together…”

It only made her hold him tighter.

Finally, she calmed and straightened from being hunched into Booker’s chest.

“I’m so sorry, Nile, I should have just come with you.  I thought- well, it doesn’t matter.  I’m truly sorry,” Booker said.

When she looked up at him, she saw his eyes were wet too, a few tears making their way down his cheeks.

She shook her head, reaching up to wipe his tears.  “You gave me my brother back, Book, for however short a time.  Thank you.”

Her hands were still on his face, cupping his jaw.  She slid them over his jaw, to the back of his neck, and pulled slightly.  Booker was almost half a foot taller than her, but he compressed himself to be shorter until their forehead met.

She closed her puffy eyes and just stayed there a moment.

“Thank you,” she said again, whispering this time.

“You’re welcome.”  

She felt the puff of his breath against her face as he spoke.  It would be so easy to lean a little bit more in, close that distance...

But she couldn’t.  Not right now, when she still felt like she was dying a bit inside.

Pulling away, she said, “I think we should go.  That okay with you?”

“Of course, Nile.  You didn’t even have to ask.”

They got back to his flat, not talking as they walked in.

“You should know, I recorded the conversation with Jordan on my phone.  And um, here,” Booker said, holding out his phone.  “I thought you would want to have this.”

Nile took the phone, knowing what she would see.  It didn’t hurt any less as she looked at Jordan’s face, smiling with his arm around Booker’s shoulder.

She was crying again before she even realized it.

“God, Book.  I miss him,” she sobbed.  Her legs gave out and Booker scooped her into his arms and carried her to the couch.  He sat and pulled her close, starting to murmur comfort again as she lost herself once again.

It took much longer to even begin to pull herself together this time.  It was dark out and she felt exhausted, mentally and physically.  Booker’s leg had to be asleep underneath her, but he just kept brushing his hand up and down her spine, trying to soothe her.

“I think we should leave Paris tomorrow,” she said, her voice hoarse from crying.

“That would probably be best,” Booker agreed.  “Where would you like to go?”

Nile buried her face into his chest, overwhelmed.  “Can I decide later?”

“Of course, Nile.”

“Or you could choose this time,” she said, voice muffled by his shirt.

He paused, thinking.  “We have a safe house near Amsterdam.  There are many art museums there, including the Van Gogh Museum.  If you would like.”

This is why I love you.  The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she keeps them there.

She pushed herself up so that she was able to look at him.  His hair was flopping into his face and she didn’t stop herself from pushing it back in place.  Booker’s gaze changed somehow, from caring to… a closed off kind of caring, where he wasn’t sure what was going on, but still cared about her.

“I would love that.  Thank you, Sebastien,” she said.  Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

She pulled away quickly and didn’t look at him as she stood up.  “I’m gonna go lie down, try to sleep for a bit.  Can you make arrangements for Amsterdam?”

He grunted in affirmation and she fled down the hall.  She couldn’t stop herself from glancing back before she left the room, only to see Booker staring at nothing, his hand on the cheek she had kissed.

Well, that’s promising.

It wasn’t until she was in bed that she realized she had called him Sebastien, not Booker.

Well...

Shit.

_____________________________________________

They didn’t talk much as they traveled to the Netherlands.  Nile didn’t mind, she was too tired to tackle any of the emotional options that could have been topics of discussion.  She could feel Booker glancing at her every now and then, but she just pretended to fall asleep against the train’s window.  

She couldn’t consider falling asleep on his shoulder again.  She was already feeling fragile.  Putting herself out there was not in the cards right now.

They took a taxi to get to the safe house from the train station, paying the driver in cash when they arrived.  Booker thanked him in Dutch, which was not a language that Nile had started to learn yet, and they walked up the steps to the front door.

“Booker, wait,” Nile said, grabbing his arm.  She had seen a figure through the door’s frosted glass.  

There was someone inside the house.

“It’s okay, Nile,” Booker said.  “It’s just-”

Andy opened the door.  “Hey, kid.”

Nile blinked at her.  “You’re supposed to be in Greece.”

Andy shrugged.  “All that sun wasn’t agreeing with me,” she said drily.

Nile turned on Booker.  “Book…”

He held up his hands.  “I just told them what happened.  They wanted to be here for you.”

“They?!”

“Hello, little sister,” Quynh said, coming forward from behind Andy.

Nile swallowed hard at the endearment, emotion swelling in her chest.  “Quynh…”

“May I?” Quynh asked, holding out her arms.

Nile could only nod as she stepped forward into Quynh’s embrace.  Andy’s hand came to clasp Nile's shoulder as they hugged, and Nile took a deep, shaky breath.

She disengaged, wiping a stray tear that had leaked out.  “I’m glad, I thought when Book said ‘they’ he meant-”

A car door slammed behind them.  

“We’re here!  Sorry we’re late, Nicky was driving for a bit and suddenly we were in Belgium,” Joe’s voice rang out from behind them and Nile turned to see him and Nicky coming up the walkway.  Their car was parked haphazardly at the curb.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she muttered, tearing up against her will.

As Nicky and Joe got closer, she took a deep breath, overwhelmed.  “I need a minute,” she said abruptly, darting past Quynh and Andy into the house.  She went into the first room she could find and shut the door.

Turns out she was in the bathroom.

She gripped the edges of the sink, hunched over the basin.

Nile wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling, the emotions were twisted inside her so much that she couldn’t parse them out.  She made herself breathe and think. 

Okay, Nile.  What’s wrong?

She thought about the most obvious answer, her brother’s face as they made eye contact, and flinched away from the memory.  She had missed her family for so long that the emotional wound had scabbed over.  It was always there, she always felt the pain and some times were worse than others, but she was able to keep going.  Seeing Jordan had ripped that scab off.  She felt like she was bleeding internally.  Even though she was glad she had been able to hear Booker talk to him… even that hurt.  She was aching for her family.

So why was she not glad to see her immortal family?

She hadn’t asked them to come.  Hadn’t wanted to bother them from their vacations.  And she knew that she could handle this by herself.  She had survived the pain of losing her brother and mom this long, why did they seem to think that she couldn’t get through this?

Oh.

Nile understood what she was feeling now.

She was sad, yes.  But she was also angry.

When she had first joined Andy’s little band of immortal warriors, she had felt the difference of age between them and herself.  Andy to this day called her “kid.”  Thank God Booker had gone away from saying the same, that would have made any feelings she had for him incredibly awkward.  It wasn’t like she wasn’t aware of how young she was compared to the others.  But she was a goddamn adult.  She had gone through loss before and knew she would go through more, but she also knew that she could get through that herself.  For everyone to drop everything and come here made her feel like they thought she couldn’t.

That was what was rubbing her the wrong way here.

Nile took a deep breath and turned on the hot water.  She found a washcloth in the cupboard under the sink and wet it once the water was warm.  Slowly, gently, she washed her face, breathing deeply as she did so.  She wrung out the washcloth and dabbed her face dry on the hand towel hanging on the wall.

Then she looked back into the mirror.

The anger had lessened, now that it had been acknowledged.  The pain was still there, right below the surface.  But she straightened her shoulders and nodded to herself.

She’s got this.

The other immortals had moved from the doorway into the living room.  None of them were sitting, though, and they all turned immediately when she walked into the room.

“Sorry about that, needed a second to go to the bathroom.  Hey guys!” she said, opening her arms and pulling Joe into a hug.

“Nile-” Nicky said as she turned to embrace him as well, so she hugged him extra tight, just to quiet him a moment.

“You guys didn’t have to rush here and ruin your vacations,” she said, making sure to keep the smile on her face, to keep the edge out of her voice.

“Nile-”

“You couldn’t have even gotten to Malta before you were turning around to come here,” Nile continued as she pulled away from Nicky.

“Nile, per favore,” Nicky said beseechingly.

Nile swallowed and looked at him hesitantly.  His eyes were attentive and tired.  “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Nile slumped into herself.  She sat on the chair, away from the others and they followed suit, sitting around the room.  Nicky, Joe, Quynh, and Andy squeezed onto the couch and Booker took the other chair, the closest seat to Nile.

“No,” she answered honestly, feeling weighed down with grief and anger.  She forced her chin up, her shoulders square.  “But I will be.”

There were nods around the room.  Nile made eye contact with Booker and could see the understanding radiating from his eyes.  She gave him a small smile.

“We should have asked this from the beginning.  What do you need, Nile?  What can we do?” Joe asked.

She considered.  What did she want?  There were hard answers to that question.  She wanted to see her mother.  She wanted to hug her brother.

She wanted to forget for a bit that she was immortal, and all the hurt that came with that.

Nile went with the easiest answer.

“I wanna go dancing,” she declared, raising her chin as she said it.  

The others blinked.  

Booker let out a chuckle.  “We are in Amsterdam.  I’m sure we can find somewhere to dance.”

“Don’t you think that we will stand out?” Nicky asked.

Nile shrugged.  “Honestly, probably not.  You just jump up and down all night, that would be enough.  I’m sure you can figure out grinding in about two seconds or less, so that’s two dance moves right there, one for slow dances and one for fast ones!”

Andy shrugged.  “Alright, but don’t get mad if we are bad.”

“We’re really going?” Quynh asked, looking excited.

Everyone looked around and nodded.

Nicky sighed.  “For Nile, yes.”

“For Nile!” Quynh shouted, raising a fist in the air.  Nile smiled, thinking how many times Quynh might have rallied that way throughout the centuries.  She shook herself.  No, tonight was to forget about immortality.

“Alright, we’re going to need supplies to do this right,” Nile said, pulling out her phone and starting to write a list.  “I’ve got an outfit that’ll do, but I’ll need to look at your guy’s luggage to see if something works.  Book, you brought that dark blue button down, right?”

He nodded.

Nile stared at her phone as she said, “Your eyes pop with that and it makes your muscles look fantastic, so that would be a good choice.  The pants you’re wearing will be fine and your boots.  Quynh, can you show me you and Andy’s options?  Joe, I’ll send you the list.  Get Nicky something that isn’t a cotton t-shirt when you’re out.”

Joe grinned at his husband who looked less enthused at the idea.  “With pleasure.”

“Okay, let’s get going!”

Nile helped pick out Quynh and Andy’s looks as Joe and Nicky grocery shopped.  Joe and Nicky brought back groceries, including alcohol, and outfits for themselves.  The grey short sleeved button down did wonderful things to Nicky’s eyes and Joe went with a black tank top, which showed off his shoulders.  

Sidling up to Booker as he helped put away groceries, Nile whispered, “Ten bucks that Joe and Nicky start defiling the dance floor?”

Booker laughed loudly.  “I don’t make bets that I know I will lose, Nile.  That’s Nicky’s job.”

Nile pouted, but soon rallied.  “We are all gonna look so good, people are gonna be so jealous when they realize Joe and Nicky, and Andy and Quynh are together!”

“Ah,” Booker said, looking down at the counter.  “Nile.  If you wish to go home with someone tonight, I only ask that you keep your phone on you.  Just in case.”

Nile blinked.  She hadn’t even thought about that.  Hadn’t planned to try to pick anyone up.  She was trying to forget about her immortality, right?  Just for the night?  That could be a good way to help forget.  But… she didn’t want to.

“Thanks, but that’s not what I want from tonight,” she replied, keeping her tone light.

Booker nodded.  She did notice his shoulders relaxed as she walked away.

They had some down time before they should start to get ready, but Nile couldn’t settle.  She ended up doing her eye makeup while she waited, wanting something to do.

Andy knocked on the open door of the bathroom to announce that supper was ready.

“Awesome, just gimme a minute and I’ll be good to go,” Nile said, curling her eyelashes.

Andy leaned against the doorway.  “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth,” she said.

“For what?” Nile said, now putting on mascara.

“For treating you like a kid sometimes.  When I first saw Joe’s drawing of you, I thought, ‘she’s just a baby,’ but you’ve proved time and time again that you can handle yourself.  We should have considered that.  I think,” Andy cut off, sighing.  “I think we wanted to be there for you, the way we hadn’t been for Booker.  To make up for not noticing how bad it was for him.”

Andy looked at Nile, who stared at her, shocked and touched.  “We were thinking of ourselves and what we needed more than you.  That wasn’t fair to either of you, and I’m sorry.”

Nile put the wand back in the mascara tube and dropped it on the counter, not caring where it fell.  She hopped off the counter and hugged Andy.  She felt Andy’s hand cup the back of her neck and relaxed into the embrace.

“Thank you for that, Andy,” Nile murmured.

She let out a breath and felt the last traces of her anger fade away.

___________________________________

Nile was decidedly tipsy as they made their way to the nightclub that Booker had found for their night out.  With her fast healing, she’d had to pregame a lot more than back when she was younger and well, mortal - no, she wasn’t thinking about that - and had drunk about half a bottle of vodka to feel as loose and happy as she did right now.

Booker himself hadn’t touched the alcohol and Nile felt a stab of guilt for getting so much, when he had been so good at staying sober.

He must have noticed her expression, as he shook his head at her.  “It’s fine, Nile.  I want you to have a fun night, and if you wish to imbibe, I understand.”  He gave her a crooked grin.  “I won’t give in to peer pressure.”

She was suddenly overwhelmed with pride and affection for him and didn’t stop herself from going up on tiptoe and kissing him on the cheek.  “Proud of you, Book,” she murmured as she pulled away.

Everyone else in their immortal family saw it, but no one said anything, for which Nile was somewhat grateful.

She also really wanted to talk to someone about Booker.  She was relieved when Quynh leaned against the doorway, much like her wife had done a few hours ago, and asked Nile as she was doing her contouring, “So, you and Booker, huh?”

Nile bobbled the brush she had been using but caught it before it could truly fall.  She turned and closed the door, then turned on some random playlist on her phone, then turned back to Quynh.

“Quynh, I don’t know what to do,” she said honestly.

“Talk to me, little sister,” Quynh said, reaching out to hold one of Nile's hands.

Nile took a deep breath.  She hadn’t ever said any of this out loud and the prospect of it being out there, acknowledged by someone else, was terrifying and exhilarating.

“I love him, Quynh,” she said in a rush.  Her eyes grew wide and she felt tears start and covered her mouth with her free hand.  “Holy shit, I haven’t said that out loud before.”

“How’s it feel?” Quynh asked with a small smile, like she was holding it in until she heard Nile’s answer.

“Amazing,” Nile said, lowering her hand so that Quynh could see her teary, but wide, smile.

Quynh’s smile mirrored her own.

“I love Sebastien le Livre,” Nile murmured, looking at the door.

“Do you have a plan?” Quynh asked.

Nile shook her head.  “What if…  I mean, he was married before.  I don’t even know if he feels the same.  Or if he does, if he’ll let himself start anything.”

“Well, Nile,” Quynh said, “it sounds like you should sit down and talk with him.  Talk about what you want.  See if he wants the same.  At least after that, you will know.”

Quynh’s grin returned.  “But maybe do that later.  Tonight, we dance!”

The atmosphere in the club was exactly what Nile needed as they walked in.  It was dark and the lights flashed often enough to give people momentary identities before they were mostly cloaked in darkness again.  The music was pumping out of huge speakers.  

The other immortals didn’t look as enthused as Nile was, but they dutifully followed her onto the dance floor.  It was just EDM playing at the moment, so Nile took the time to show a few moves that Quynh took great pleasure in replicating.

Soon though, a new song came on and Quynh’s eyes lit up with an idea.  She grabbed Andy and they started to swing dance, right there in the club.  It fit strangely well with the music, even though it was very much a modern song.  Joe and Nicky started to do the same, grins on their face.  Booker held out a hand to Nile and she took it eagerly.  She replicated the steps that Andy and Quynh were doing and followed Booker’s lead, laughing loudly when they got off from the beat and Booker swore as he spun her out and back to reset them.

By the time that song faded out, Nile was breathing heavily and her cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

The next song came on and it was slower, at least at the beginning, and Nile heard the lyrics, “I pray to God, I just don’t know anymore,” and felt like a sledgehammer had hit her over the head.  That had happened that time in-

No, tonight was about forgetting!  She wasn’t going to think about that!

She danced noncommittally to that song, even when it picked up.  The next song started up and Nile recognized it instantly.  “Turn Down for What” had been featured at far too many dances for her NOT to know it.  

Nile took great pleasure in shaking her hips from side to side as the song continued. 

“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!” she roared along with most of the club.

The moment that the next song’s first notes came on, the club went wild.

People all around the world went crazy for Beyonce.

Nile wrinkled her nose at the line about Monica Lewinsky, cause she was a cool lady it turned out, and didn’t deserve to be turned into a synonym for a blow job.  Otherwise, she rolled her body and even let a guy come up behind her and grind with her.  The moment that the French section of the song came on, though, her concentration broke and she looked for Booker.  He was bobbing from side to side and as the French section continued, his head cocked to the side and his eyebrows went up.  He looked over at her and she smirked at him, gesturing to the part of the dancefloor that Nicky and Joe were currently defiling, just as she had predicted.

He looked over, then back at her, and shook his head.  She could tell that he was laughing, his shoulders going up and down even though she couldn’t hear him from this far away.

She broke away from the guy she had been dancing with, giving him a small smile, and made her way to Booker.  As she moved, the song changed and she grinned.

“You know when I said you just jump up and down?  This is a great example of that!” Nile shouted to her little group.

The entire club was bouncing as the chorus rang out.  If Nile didn’t heal, she knew her calves would be sore tomorrow.

No, she wasn’t thinking about it!

Nile let herself dance mindlessly through the next few songs, not understanding one song as it was in Italian and willfully ignoring the next one that sang about being lonely together.  She didn’t want to think about why she was lonely.

Then the next song came on and she started jumping along until she heard the lyrics, “Party til we die!”

Except she couldn’t die.  She was immortal and she had lost her family just as much as they had lost her and God, it hurt.

She didn’t realize that she was just standing there, staring into space, until Joe’s hand brushed against her arm.  Nile shook herself and shouted, “I’m gonna go get another drink!”

She made her way through the crowd to get to the bar before any of them could respond.  Once she got there though, she ended up just asking for water.  She didn’t want to follow the path of self-loathing and self-destruction that Booker had taken before he had nearly destroyed himself entirely.  While it might be melodramatic to think that a drink in a club would lead down that path, Nile didn’t want to push herself.

She did, however, block out the rest of the song until it finished.

“I love my friends and my friends love me.  Like all the time, they’re right beside me.  We’ve got each other for eternity.  Like all the time, they’re right beside me,” the new song sang.

Nile let out a shaky breath.

She wasn’t alone.

She turned and saw her new family across the room.  They looked back at her with love in their eyes, and suddenly, there was too much space between her and them.  She pushed gently through the crowd until she was back in their little bubble.

They closed rank around her and wrapped their arms around her.  They swayed slowly to the song even though it was fast paced and Nile felt so loved.

“Thanks, guys,” Nile said, smiling around at her immortal family.

They broke apart for the next song and Quynh grabbed Nile’s hand so they would dance together.  Nile ended up cackling at the exaggerated come hither faces that Quynh made at her and pulled Quynh in for a hug.  

“Thank you, Quynh.  For being my big sister and for just.  Well.  Being here.”

Quynh’s arm wrapped around her and pulled her in tight.

The song that came on next was slow and beautiful and as Nile listened to the lyrics, she knew she had to find Book.  He was watching Nicky and Joe sway back and forth with a small smile on his face.  She walked up and tapped him on the shoulder.

He looked at her and his smile gentled even more.

“Wanna dance?” she asked.

“Yes, ma belle, I would love to dance with you,” he answered.

“I never thought in a million years, in a million years, oh It would be you,” the song rang out.

Nile hands ended up on the back of Booker’s neck, as Booker’s hands stayed firmly on her waist.  She did see his eye flutter shut as her fingers scratched through the short hairs there, and she smirked.

“I just can't get you out my mind, So infatuated.”

Okay, the lyrics were a bit too on the nose, but she just pulled Booker closer and let them sway.  She could hear his heart from where her head rested against his chest, and was suddenly so glad that their immortality existed because there was no other way that they would have been able to meet.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Immortality was a fact of her life, like the fact her dad was dead and the sky was blue.  Some things couldn’t be changed and fighting her immortality would only hurt herself and her new family.  She had seen the worst of what fighting his immortality had done to Booker.

She would make a different path for herself.

It would be painful and there would be days that she would feel like she was dying inside.  But she knew that she could do it.  She was strong.  She had already been through so much and she was still here.  And she had her family to reach out to.

Nile had Booker to reach out to.

The song wound down and Nile placed a kiss where she had just been resting her head.  Booker’s hands tightened minutely, then he let go.

“Forever young, I wanna be forever young.”

Okay.  Who had chosen this song.  Nile started laughing and she couldn’t stop.  Her hooting attracted some attention but she didn’t care.  The irony was just too much.

“You good?” Andy asked, smiling slightly as she raised an eyebrow.

“Yes!  Sorry, I just - ahahaha - this song!” Nile answered incoherently.

She calmed as the song continued, though giggled as Joe busted out some truly ridiculous disco moves.  Nicky looked at him with love in his eyes, even as he too, laughed at his husband.

 Nile looked around and felt suddenly content.  She hadn’t been expecting it.  But as she watched her little family indulge her need for normality, or what used to be her version of normality, she felt okay again. 

She reached out and grabbed Booker’s hand and squeezed.  He looked startled at first, then saw her smile and returned it without thinking.  

“Home we’ll goooooo, home we’ll go.”

Nile turned her grin to the entire group and nodded.

“I’m ready to go home.”

_____________________________________

It didn’t take long for Booker and Nile to be the only ones left in the living room when they got home.  Nicky and Joe were up the stairs in a flash, and Nile definitely saw a little ass grabbage as they made their way up to the main bedroom.  Quynh and Andy had some water, then Quynh gave Andy a look and they were off to the spare bedroom.

“The couch is a pullout, by the way,” Andy threw over her shoulder as they went.

Nile laughed.  “Cheers.”

She turned to Booker, still laughing, but he was looking at the couch with trepidation.  

“I can take the floor,” he offered.

“Book,” she huffed.

“It is the gentlemanly thing to do,” he insisted.

She rolled her eyes.  “I don’t remember asking you to be a gentleman, Sebastien.”

His eyes darkened at her use of his real name.  He swallowed and looked away.

Dammit.

“If that’s what you want, Book, I’m not gonna stop you,” Nile said, going to her bag.  “I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

She emerged, clean and without makeup, about half an hour later.  The bed was out and Booker was sitting at the dining table, a cup of untouched tea in front of him.  Nile settled in the chair next to him and stole the tea, taking a sip.

“Talk to me,” she said.

She had said the same thing so many times over the years that they had known each other.  They had been there for each other while they were both going through therapy, on anniversaries of things that made it hard to get out of bed that day, and in so many other ways.

He let out a gust of breath.  “Tonight was fun for you, right?”

Nile considered.  “It was hard at times.  I had gone to forget about immortality and my family, only to realize that there was no forgetting.  But you guys being there helped.  It was nice to dance.  So yeah, I had fun.”

Booker nodded.  “I noticed, there was that man you were, uh, dancing with.  You didn’t change your mind?  Want to go home with him?”

“Nah,” Nile said.  She decided to take a chance.  “Even when I was dancing with him, I started thinking about you.”

He stared at her.  “Me?”

“Yeah, Seb.  I don’t think that going home with that guy would have been very fulfilling.  I think...” she said slowly as she stared down into Booker’s cup of tea, slightly anxious, “I think that no one out there could compare to who I came home with anyway.”

She plucked up her nerve and looked right at Booker when she finished speaking.  He was staring at her, eyes wide.

“Ma chérie, you don’t believe-”

“You calling me a liar, Sebastien?” Nile said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No, I would never, but-  I mean - I’m just.  Nile,” he said, flabbergasted.

She leaned towards him, putting a hand on his arm.  “You’re worth a whole lot more than you think, Book.  I see how hard you try to be better, for yourself and for everyone else.  I see how much your demons cling and how you still get up every day and keep going.  I see you.  And I think you’re worth everything.”

Her heart was pounding.  This was as close to a declaration of her feelings as she had ever come to.  Though he had given promising signs in the past, there was no actual guarantee that Booker felt the same towards her.

“Nile, mon ange,” Booker breathed, pulling her close and resting his forehead against her.  “Forgive me, I am a little overwhelmed.”

“Take your time, Book,” Nile said sincerely, closing her eyes and listening to her heart beating and his breathing.

They sat there silently for a while, forehead to forehead.  As time passed, Nile calmed and all she felt was content.

He reached up and stroked her cheek as he pulled his head slightly away from hers.  “I think that I started to fall for you the moment that you pushed Merrick out of the window and fell to the street with him,” he admitted.  “I fought it for a long time, because of shame.  Shame in myself.  Shame at what my family would think.  And then,” he stopped, looking away from Nile and took a breath, blowing it out in a gust.  “I finally talked about my feelings for you with the therapist that you helped me find.”

Book turned to look her in the eye and Nile felt like she could melt at the warmth in his gaze.  “She said that loving you wasn’t replacing the ones that I had loved before.  That I could love them and love you.  I don’t have to choose between one and the other.  And suddenly, I heard my Marie’s voice in my head for the first time in a century.”

His eyes filled with tears and Nile reached up and cupped his cheeks, wiping a tear that fell.  He smiled gently at her and pushed on.  “She told me that I was the love of her life, but I will live many lifetimes, and she didn’t want me to be alone.  I used to hear her all the time, before.  She was my conscience and my guiding light.  Ever since I lost her, and our boys, I’ve been lost.  I love our immortal family, please don’t mistake me.  But I used to feel alone, even when they were all in the room.  That feeling led to terrible things.  And then you led my new family to me and saved me.  And since then, I’ve found a new source of light.”

Nile’s eyes filled with tears too.  “Sebastien…”

“Mon dieu, Nile, I love when you say my name,” Booker breathed.

She grinned.  “You gonna kiss me, Sebastien?”

“Mon bonheur…”  His eyes were wide and she could see his heart in them.

“I don’t know that one, Seb.  You’re gonna have to translate.”

“My happiness,” Sebastien said with a small smile.  

Nile smiled and her eyes crinkled, it was so wide.  The tears that had collected in them spilled over and she realized that Sebastien was crying too.

His hand cupped her cheek gently, almost reverently, and they closed the distance between them.  At first, their lips only pressed together.  Then Nile’s hand came up to the back of Booker’s neck to pull him closer and the dynamic changed.  It was still slow but their mouths moved together.  Booker’s tongue laved at her lower lip.  Nile trapped Booker’s lower lip between hers and sucked it into her mouth.  She remembered how much he seemed to like it when she ran her fingers through the short hairs at the nape of his neck and did so again, then gave a soft pull.

He shuddered.

“Seb,” she whispered, kissing his cheek and then leaning closer to speak into his ear.  “We don’t have to do anything tonight, but do you want to go lie down?”

Booker nodded eagerly.  

The pull out bed wasn’t very comfortable.  But Nile lay half on top of Booker and he pulled her close, kissing behind her ear, down her jaw, and back to her lips.  And then everything else didn’t matter.

She woke up the next day still in his arms.  Remembering the thought she’d had, realizing she wanted to wake up looking at him for the rest of her immortality, Nile smiled.  

This morning was the start of an eternity of waking up together.

She kissed his chest before extracting herself from his arms.  He grumbled in his sleep, then settled.

Quynh and Nicky were already in the kitchen when she stumbled in.  Quynh smiled widely at her and Nicky raised an eyebrow.

“Hi guys…” Nile said warily.  The look on their faces made her want to go crawl back into bed.

“So, do you want us to clear out today so you can start your sexcation?” Quynh asked with a shit eating grin on her face.

“Oh my god,” Nile said.  She hadn’t even had coffee yet.

She filled a cup and chugged it.  Nicky’s eyebrow joined its fellow near his hairline.

Nile set the cup down.  “Maybe.  We aren’t there yet.  But I’d rather not get there with you guys in the next room.”  She refilled the cup and started drinking again, slower this time.  “Not like you don’t have sexcations to get to of your own.”

Quynh nodded and Nicky’s eyebrows finally went down as the corners of his lips curled up.

“Also, that pull out is made out of lumps and I’d rather have a better bed for our first time.  Though I don’t really care about the location that much.  Just that it’ll be him,” Nile said thoughtfully.  

There was a sound of someone choking from the hallway.  Nile turned to see Booker standing there, his face going a deep red color.

“Good morning,” she said, ignoring the fact that he had heard her.  “Want some coffee?”

“Nile,” he said, his voice rough from sleep and emotion.

“Yes, Sebastien?”

“I-  You-  Merde,” he hissed, taking two steps and leaning down to kiss her where she sat.  She met his lips gladly.  This was no gentle press.

Well.  It seems once she got passed the gentlemanly facade, they could really have some fun.

She pulled away from him long enough to look at Quynh and Nicky and raise an eyebrow.  “Don’t you have somewhere to be?  People to get out of bed, woo, and get into a different bed at a different place?  Please?”

Quynh laughed.  “Subtle, little sister.”  She stood and flapped her hands at Booker until he took a step back.  “Sisters before misters,” she teased before she gave Nile a hug.  “We’ll be out of the house in less than a half an hour.  Think you can wait that long?”

Nile giggled, then nodded.  “Thank you, Quynh.  I love you.”

Nicky was next, once Quynh pulled away.  He kissed her forehead.  “We’ll see you in a month, Nile,” he said, his eyes smiling at her.

“Enjoy Malta.”

He smirked.  “We will.”

Nile stayed at the table and Booker made her toast and eggs.  Quynh and Andy were out the door first, Andy stopping to give both of them hugs on the way out.  Joe took longer to rouse, so Nicky was going to drive first.

“We’ll call you for directions when we end up in Lithuania,” Joe said with a sleepy smile as they said goodbye.

Nile laughed.  “See you soon.  Love you guys.”

“Love you, our little river!” Joe called as he got into the vehicle.

She shook her head at them but waved as they drove away.

Closing the door, she found Booker doing the dishes from breakfast.  She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his stomach.

A sudsy hand rested against where hers were clasped.

Nile let out a huge sigh.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, nuzzling his back.  “Sometimes it just shocks me the extremes of emotions that people can feel at once.”

“Talk to me,” he said and she smiled and pressed a kiss against his spine.

“I love this family.  So much.  And they exasperate me and challenge me and take care of me and I love them.”  She took a deep breath, then forged on.  “I love my family.  I miss them so badly sometimes it makes my chest ache, and I know that pain will never fully go away.  But I’ll carry it with me cause otherwise, I can’t carry my love for them too.”

She paused and raised on tiptoe to kiss his neck.  “I love you,” she said.  “And that feels a bit like a miracle still.  Maybe someday it’ll feel as naturally as breathing like it seems to be for the others.  But for now, I just want to revel in it.”

Booker was shaking.  Nile could feel it against her chest.

“Seb?  You okay?”

He sniffled.  “Oui, mon bonheur. Ça va bien,” he murmured.

He turned in her arms until she could see the tears on his face.  “You just put how I feel into words.  I love our new family.  I miss Marie and our boys.”  He took a deep breath and looked down at her.  “And I love you.  I love you so much.”

“Seb…”

They pulled each other close and Nile let her own tears come.

Immortality would bring with it times that were hard and times that will be beautiful.  She knew she could handle them.  Especially with her family by her side.  Especially with Sebastien with her.

“Oh, by the way,” she said, pulling back from him a bit.  “I think I’m finally going to go to art school.”

She grinned.  “Wanna model for me?”

Translations: Ma choupette - my little cabbage, in an endearing way Ma belle - my beautiful Per favore - please Ma chérie - my darling mon ange - my angel Mon dieu - my God Mon bonheur - my happiness Merde - shit Oui, mon bonheur. Ça va bien - Yes, my happiness. I'm okay

[giorgiastastes]

El hoyo (2019)

"The message needs no carrier" (spoiler: it actually does)

"There are 3 kinds of people; the ones above, the ones below, and the ones who fall. "

I've just watched this small masterpieces and here's my own interpretation.

Obviously the whole movie is a big metaphor. Both an analogy about our society and one about the Afterlife are present.

First of all, in my view, the place they're kept into is like a Purgatory between heaven and hell. The protagonist entered there voluntary because after the six months trial he would have expiated his sins and would finally be ready to enter Heaven. The old man is an accidental killer, therefore he doesn't deserve Hell, but definitely can't go into Heaven either, and his punishment is longer than Goreng's because he did in fact end a life.

Also Goreng is referenced multiples times as the Messiah, and his travel towards this purge tower is quite similar to Dante's one.

Each prisoner wakes up the first day of the month in a different position, which represents our birth. Some are born in better environments, families and countries and all of it is just luck, fate.

Then, since everyone knows that each of higher floors will likely take advantage of their position, our selfishness takes the best of us.

The higher floors know that the lower ones will literally eat their leftovers, while the ones under know that they better take as much as they can, otherwise they won't be able to survive. There's no altruism or generosity in the society.

You're placed high, you sh*t on who's below. You're below, you dream to reach above.

Each of the characters represents something.

The first roommate, the old man, is someone who's very aware of their surrounding, who's tired of fighting and knows very well how the world works because he's been in a better as much as a worse situation.

The lady coming from the Administration is a middle class representative, trying to change the world but also completely unaware of what's happening right under her nose.

The fact that she keeps on saying that a baby cannot be there and there are 200 floors is just further proof that we blindly lie to ourselves that things can't be that bad, that the world isn't that evil and the rules are respect, being delusional of course, to help us sleep at night. That's why when she hits lower than what she was told was possible, she killed herself.

She's also a vegetarian, with a big love for animals. She obviously represents both an activist that is trying to tell others that they shouldn't eat more than they need, because that means that who's lower won't have anything left, which is such a big innuendo to climate change, but at the same time she's also a privileged person who's never been lower than a certain point and thinks that anyone can easily "just eat less" without caring about other's issues (it reminded me of some vegans who cannot accept that veganism is not accessible or sustainable for the majority of the would population)

The last roommate, the one with the rope represents a religious person, who endures the hardship without giving up because of his faith.

Another pragmatic sequence in my opinion was the one where the two, while descending the tower, met an ill man with a companion with the Down Syndrome (I'm sorry if I'm sounding insensitive is just that I don't know how else to better describe the scene to make it recognizable to you) who said that he will proceed to suffocate his cellmate to also eat what went into his stomach even while being no more hungry himself, I mean, can you better descrive greed than this sentence?

Now, coming to the final scene, which left many of the viewers disappoint or confused, here's my idea.

The deranged girl who claims to have a daughter is definitely crazy, but not completely gone. I do believe there is a baby there, and the Administration is probability unaware of that because there's someone higher than them, and they're being lied to, also. But I don't think the protagonist actually saw the little girl.

I think that he reached such a place of histeria that he convinced himself that the baby was alive, hallucinating, to have a last strand of hope as he was dying. Notice how the baby is perfectly clean and well nourished, that would be impossible. The little girl is long gone and dead God knows in which floor but he convinced himself that he saw her as a way of also hoping that some kind of humanity is still left, that they wouldn't kill and eat an innocent and innocuous creature. But that's not the case.

Notice how he reaches the 333th floor and then walks like he doesn't even have a scar. Now multiply that number for each room residents, which are two. He's dead and has now reached Hell. There he finds his first roommate who's also in Hell since they both damned themselves letting their selfishness take over. The lady is obviously absent, since she never hurt a thing or specifically ate someone's flesh.

The baby was all part of his imagination and she doesn't reach the 0 level, simply because she was never there in the first place.

The girl could have been the message if she reached the top, since it would have proven how flawed the system is, but she never will. Some people claimed that it is not possible to reach the top because of how fast the platform goes, that it will just crash on the ceiling. I do not agree. There's no point in letting the platform crash each time so it will probably slow down enough to reach level 0, in facts we don't even know how tall level 1 is.

Someone also claimed that it's impossible that no one else ever reached the top through this method, which means to go all the way down to then come back up. First of all, it could have happened and that person could have been sent back down, but what I find most reasonable is that no one knows how deep the hole is, probably up to hell, and no one is brave enough to do it because no matter how bad your situation is, you're still afraid of having it worse. It's a suicidal mission which led to crazyness and then death even our brave characters.

Another reference I've loved is when it's mentioned that usually the poorest kill each other's to survive, while the richest have the highest rate of suicide. Why is that? Easy, they have nothing to endure, to live for, they have everything, they're not longing for the hope of food plus there's frightening in knowing that the next month it can only worsen.

So now the question remains: What is the ending then if the baby doesn't reach the top? The finale guys was right in front of our eyes, around the middle of the movie. Remember when the chef complains to other cooks about the hair in the pannacotta? That's the real ending: the pannacotta reaches the top (further proof that the platform won't crash) as the message but instead of being interpreted as a statement of insurrection, the level 0 workers believe it was sent back because there was a hair in there. This is the ultimate slap in the face, the final proof that those people are so out of touch, so blind towards what's happening downstairs that they think that was the issue, the hair in the pannacotta, without realizing that people are literally eating each others down there.

So, there was actually a satisfying finale which gave us answers, it's just that the finale was not at the end as usual.

[thattimdrakeguy]

Why, uh, do ppl hate Tim so much? I just fell down a hole of anti tim and I can’t find a..valid reason for the hate besides that fact tht hes rich and white?

From my experience it’s one of those things where Tim has antagonistic relationships with other Bat-Family members like Damian, Jason, and even partially Steph. So they just crap on Tim, because it’ll make their favs look better.

Like that’s genuinely been the main reason I see, and they use the fact he’s rich and white to make it seem like it’s a social justice thing, even though in the end it really isn’t.

I sort of rant for the rest of the post going in more detail, and mentioning things I’ve been shown, and why I think a lot of it is dumb, but basically it’s just people being petty and insecure, and being unable to handle things in any other way than childishly.

For some Jason fans I’ve seen them talk about how much they hate Tim because they replaced the poor kid with a rich kid, but I’m really freaking poor myself. Obviously I’m not homeless, but there was a time in my life where I slept on the floor, and later on after I did have a bed my bed room had a hole in the floor. But, they’re just looking too deep into stuff just to find a problem anywhere they can.

I’ve also seen some say Tim bullied his way into being Robin after the poor kid died. When 1) that isn’t even an accurate description of what happened and 2) they’re obviously just trying to word it the worst way possible, because they’re pretty freaking childish.

Damian fans try to make Tim and his fans out to be racist cause Tim doesn’t like Damian, when that’s actually because Damian got so close to killing Tim I’m pretty sure Tim actually did nearly die from bleeding out. I think also because Tim once said “what about his biology” when referring to Damian, when Tim wasn’t referring to his race, he was referring to how he’s related to criminals and Damian literally had his biology messed with to make him a fierce warrior and a good body for Ra’s.

Steph fans also try to make Tim and his fans out to be sexist. But their reasoning is really weak, because it’s literally just boiled down to Tim being mean to Steph sometimes, but it’s not like that’s cause of her gender for that to make sense. It’s because in context she is an untrained citizens constantly putting herself and potentially others in-danger without any training to feel safe with her constantly being out there. Plus she flirted with him so much to the point it made him uncomfortable and fit the literal definition of sexual harassment.

And they always do that thing where they gotta make their favs sound better, and Tim sound worse. Which admittedly Tim fans do the same thing, but I’m not really here to pick a side. I’m just here pointing out how freaking annoying fandoms can be, because ultimately I don’t really care what fandom does it. At the moment though I can confidently say, that other fandoms are doing it a lot more than Tim ones lately, because I’m in the Tim tags at least twice a day most days and I’ve barely seen it lately.

It’s kind of a thing to project a lot of stuff on the Tim fandom for the same faux-social-justice kind of jargon they try to do. When you see it from a view like mine, where I’m not on any side of any fandom, even if I am a Tim fan (cause I never really been into deep fandom stuff), it just comes off as hypocritical frankly.

(If you want to hear some dumb things some Tim fans do to even it up, they make him the most frail, emo, emotionally unstable kid ever sometimes. They can focus way too much on making him sympathetic (but even then, literally every fandom does that, but the Tim fandom always does it in a very notable depressing way). They also focus so much on coffee and practically act like he’s all pilled up on anti-depressants he just acts weird that it just seems obsessive and very out of character.)

Like as some examples they’ll bring up how Tim doesn’t trust Damian and put him on a list of potential threats. But Damian literally nearly caused Tim’s death, nearly caused it again in the same story, and at the end it’s shown that Damian isn’t on there because Tim considers him a villain, it’s because he has potential to be dangerous. Wonder Woman and Red Tornado are also on the same list.

To me, I just look at that story as ridiculous, because Damian isn’t dumb, and Tim literally spoke against contingency plan stuff before. Damian’s going to need more than to be on a vague list as a potential threat, especially when he’s visibly on the hero side of it. Damian’s not that thinned skin. He’s got a temper, and obviously really doesn’t like Tim, but even when he felt Tim was insulting him or being patronizing to him before he didn’t try to kill him then immediately. He tried to kill him because he thought that’s what he was supposed to do to earn his place beside his father.

The story’s just dumb in-general.

And then they pull out the New 52 story where Tim is just being a dick to Damian for no good reason, but it’s the same kind of thing. Tim was never that much of a dick without being provoked. The only time I think Tim started a fight was in Red Robin where he was on pills that messed with his mental state, and again had everyone out of character regardless. Because 1) Dick wouldn’t just give away Robin from Tim, because he knows better than that. 2) Damian acts like he’s happy his dad is dead and just acts like a generic child and not even like Damian. And 3) I legitimately can’t see Tim just hitting a kid, even Damian, unless a fight already breaks out.

For Steph fans they point out how Tim is passive aggressive to her, constantly doesn’t want her to be Spoiler, and yada yada. Probably because her Batgirl run portrayed that as being mentally scarring to Steph. Even though one of the panels they chose of Tim being upset and not wanting her to be Spoiler, was after Steph caused Tim to be disfigured and on the pills that messed with his mental state to begin with. Which inadvertedly just makes her look self-centered and narcissistic. But again, I don’t even consider that in-character, because 1) I don’t buy that Steph would listen to Batman especially when it puts Tim in danger, because she never gave a crap about what Batman said till they needed to villainize her before she died. 2) Steph can be arrogant and self-centered, she has it in her, but she wouldn’t ever be that self-centered, to the point she just looks narcissistic. 3) I’m pretty sure at the actual time it happened, Steph is shown being aware she messed up. 4) Steph never cared what others thought. She trespassed on other people’s property to party. She’s a very confident person the majority of the time. Batman tells her to knock it off, she might as well flip him the bird because she just finds him more annoying than anything else. It’s literally in her origin that she doesn’t even like Batman.

There’s also the context for in the 90s when Tim first started doing it. Steph was portrayed as a reckless citizen that could potentially get herself and others into harm because she didn’t know what she was doing, and didn’t have the highest morals. That’s not anything any of the bats would encourage. If Tim was extra passive aggressive, he’s a literal thirteen to fifteen year old boy during that time, no duh he’s going to be immature. That still isn’t a sexism thing. Steph may had saved him twice, but that wasn’t portrayed even in-story as a sign she can handle it like a pro. It was always portrayed as “thank goodness she was with Tim at that time, and knew where he was to save him”. Not to say she was completely unskilled, because I’m not taking that far, but just speaking in generalizations.

She was originally added into Robin to be a very specific foil to Tim, and be a general pain in his side. That was their dynamic. If that makes it seem weird that they eventually had them date then I agree.

And at the same time for both of their characters they also ignore what the character they’re trying to defend has done, because Damian literally nearly killed Tim. They act like Tim should just get over it, because Damian was a kid in a cult, but that explains why Damian did it, it doesn’t excuse it. When something like that happens the person who was nearly killed is probably going to be traumatized (rather or not Tim was can be argued, I’m not saying he was or wasn’t), and not ever trust the person. Like that is the natural and most accurate response for it.

It’s just villainizing for the sake of being petty.

With Steph they ignore the fact she essentially sexually harassed Tim all the time and straight up emotionally abused him for an arc. Which her fans hate to hear, but that is stuff that happened. It was written by her creator. I don’t really care if Tim took her costume away or kissed her first, because I’m aware, and I know the contexts, and it doesn’t take away from what she’s done, because that’s not how that works. They also ignore she caused Tim to be disfigured by saying she was just doing what Batman said. But at that point she was also an adult, and would know better.

Like Steph can be reckless, that’s part of her character, but she isn’t an idiot.

In the end, from what all I’ve seen, it’s literally just fandom pettiness. There’s a lot of fans out there that act childish, treat people like idiots, blatantly lie about things, or exaggerate stuff.

It’s all very dumb, but I find it hard to take serious, because if they can’t acknowledge what their own favs have actually done, it just comes across like they genuinely don’t like the character and can’t admit it. They prefer to stay in their candy land so they gaslit others instead.

For me it’s as easy as paying attention to the story, seeing the contexts, and a lot of the time it’s not even a thing that’s in-character for any of the characters involved, or at least the very least not nearly as serious as they treat it.

Especially for around the past 15 or more years or so. By then the care in making everything is crafted and makes sense went down the drain so it’s often that a story doesn’t even make sense to begin with.

They think fandom is about making everyone else look bad apparently, or at least they sure act like it.

Like it’s comics. I think the fandom in-general that gets so worked up over stuff needs to relax, deattach yourself to look at it from the grander view, and calm down over it. Because things aren’t always what they seem. People try to convince themselves of so much stuff, or bully others for so much stuff, and it’s all so petty and unhealthy.

My personal philosophy in the fandom to avoid any toxic behavior is to just keep it real. I don’t lie to myself, I give everything the same standard, I definitely don’t bully or gaslit anyone, I don’t treat my favorite like they’re a real dang person either, and I look at it all like how it is, fiction.

It’s the reason why I get upset at writing and not fictional characters. I don’t ultimately care when a character does a bad thing, unless it’s out of character. To me the only thing I get upset with is the writing, because it’s the only thing that’s real.

Don’t be obsessed, and keep the peace essentially.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

FTWD 6x11: The Holding

Wow! Where to begin with this episode? We had some super-stellar parallels going here. I don’t think it was any secret that I wasn’t thrilled with last week’s episode. It was fine, but also kind of meh. I LOVED this week’s episode. So much good stuff!

***As always, spoilers for 6x11 abound below. Don't read until you've watched!***

So, we learn about these “end is the beginning” people. They’re staying in a place called The Holding, which is really an underground parking garage. (Um…cars, anyone? Let’s recall that Daryl and Carol walked through at least one parking garage in Consumed while looking for Beth. They also passed lots of above-ground ones, including one that had a red car with its door open in front of it. Also, the fact that it’s underground could make it a symbolic tomb/grave.)

These people are composting walkers to grow food underground. (People do use blood and bone feed to fertilize gardens. Like compost and waste, it really does help them grow. Of course in our society it’s ANIMAL blood and bone. Using walkers/humans is definitely more sinister and cringy. And they have proven that eating various parts of humans leads to things like Mad Cow’s Disease, so I do think Alicia’s question about food being grown that way being healthy is viable.)

But moving on.

It’s important to note that the showrunner called this group a cult, so are not they meant to be “good people.” Most of those that live there aren’t sinister, but they’ve been brainwashed into thinking their leader is a good man and that what he’s trying to accomplish is good. They’ve drunk the koolaid (or eaten the walker food?).

So, we have the ivy walker.

There really couldn’t be a more clear parallel to the blond girl Daryl saw on the tree in 5x15. Plus all the green ivy around her.

I believe we saw a promo of this walker early on. Like maybe nearer the beginning of S6. Which, thanks to Covid, was more than a year ago. I’d pretty much forgotten it, but we actually do see it in this episode.

The dogma of this group (“the end is the beginning”) is that from death springs new life. This walker is meant to represent that. Life growing out of death. And on its own, it doesn’t seem like an overly negative mission statement. After all, this world is full of death and people are trying to survive. But it quickly becomes obvious that there’s more sinister stuff at work here.

So what does this have to do with Beth? I think she’s the ultimate symbol of life springing from death. So, not only does this foreshadow her, but they’re also using her as a symbol here. I don’t know how this group may feed into future story lines, or if they’ll just be a FTWD thing, but it will be interesting to watch.

Some of the major things in this episode: a Sirius reunion, a Daryl/Merle parallel, Grady parallels, at least two major Beth/Bethyl proxies, and some tantalizing hints for what’s to come involving both this group and the CRM. (See why I loved this episode?)

Let’s dive in.

First, let me acknowledge all the background symbols. There are tons of them, and I don’t want to go into tons of detail about them. But we see cheese (think Morgan/Eastman), tomatoes, eggs (lots of food). We also see fire extinguishers, lots of green (especially paint), an elevator. You get the idea.

The first big thing that happens is Wes meets his brother, Derek, whom he thought was dead. 

Welcome to the first Beth proxy.

Okay, I didn’t remember much of this backstory or how much of it was told when we first met Wes. I do remember talking about his brother as a possible Beth proxy, but beyond that, I didn’t remember details. But they rehash it all here. Care to take a guess?

Wes went out for supplies and was overwhelmed by, you guessed it, a walker horde. He ran into a shed but it collapsed (becoming something of tomb) and the walkers were beating on the outside, trying to get in (think Beth and Daryl in the trunk). He passed out and woke up in The Holding.

That’s exactly like what happened with Beth, actually. She told Gorman she was fighting a walker and everything went black. She woke up at Grady.

The difference here is that Beth never bought into what Dawn was peddling, but unfortunately, Wes’s brother did. We eventually learn that he’s a true follower of “Teddy,” the cult leader and condones the murder that’s being done.

And of course that’s also what we think happened during the missing 17 days. Overwhelmed by walkers, left behind. Perhaps she woke up back at Grady, or somewhere else.

But the actual reunion between Wes and Derek is very on-the-nose. Because Wes truly thought this brother dead, he even says things like, “You’re alive?” and “What the hell?” Probably things that will be said about Beth when she finally shows up.

There’s also a serious/Sirius mention when they sit down to talk. And Derek keeps mentioning his bike. Like Daryl, he had a bike that Wes took when he thought his brother dead. But the fact that he mentions “bikes” like five times in this conversation is important.

I wanted to mention coffee. We’ve seen coffee as a symbol before, specifically around Carol. We first noticed it when Paula told her little story about the carrot, the egg and the coffee beans going into the water in 6x13. She said the coffee beans changed the water itself. So, coffee = a catalyst for change. But this episode made me realize it’s a catalyst for a change that’s not necessarily good.

Apparently, the supplies Wes’s brother went out for was coffee creamer. The change that came was not only him being left behind and presumed dead, but changing into a person that no longer empathized with other human beings. (Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we see Carol making and drinking coffee just before they went to the caverns and Connie disappeared?)

There’s also a huge eye/sight/see theme. They take everyone over to see this green-ivy walker and ask them what they “see”. The idea is that they should see life and possibility springing from death, but it’s just a way to indoctrinate them and check to see if they’re willing to go along with what the cult’s beliefs are. Lots of talk of eyes (opening your eyes), what one can and can’t yet see, etc.

Later, we see walkers with their mouths sewn shut. So we have at least the see no evil, speak no evil themes. There might have been hear no evil that I didn’t catch.

The second major parallel is to Daryl and Merle, since these two are brothers. 

But it’s more than just that. Wes took Derek’s bike after he disappeared (same as Daryl and Merle). When Wes found his brother again, he was with a bad group (with Merle, it was the Governor) or rather a group of decent people led by an evil man. Derek has a skewed mindset, and is working for Teddy. Remember that Merle not only worked for the Gov but even tried to kill Michonne at one point. And how they die is…similar. Merle’s, in the end, was more chivalrous, as he died to help save Daryl and TF. That wasn’t the case with Derek, but his death resulted from him pretending to work against Teddy. Unfortunately it wasn’t real, and he betrayed them, but there are still parallels/anti-parallels between the two stories.

How is this place like Grady?

There’s the underground tomb aspect, the fact that they grow their own food. At the beginning, Alicia’s group keeps asking them questions about the community, which Riley (Nick Stahl) pretty much refuses to answer.

One of them is, “Are we allowed to leave?” or “Is anyone allowed to leave?” That, of course, instantly reminded me of Grady. Now, they never answer it directly, and at one point, Riley says they can decide if they want to stay or not. But by the time we get to the end of the episode, I’m pretty sure that’s BS. So, like Grady, no one’s really given the choice to leave. Even if they tell people they can.

They’re taken into a room with medical equipment at one point. It just looks a lot like Grady, though I could tell it wasn’t the same kind of medical equipment. We’re told that it’s embalming equipment.

In fact, Al says something that should catch your ear. She says, “they must have hit the funeral home.” Naturally all our minds will go to Alone, but she’s talking about the funeral home she and Dwight (I think) were at before. I don’t remember which episode, but we talked about it looking a lot like the funeral home in Alone. So, I think Al is saying these people, The Holding, raided that funeral home and took the equipment. Kinda makes me think the funeral home in Alone will come back into the picture at some point.

And it turns out, The Holding is embalming walkers. Al’s group ends up in a room with dozens of walkers strung up by their wrists (kind of like Daryl and Michonne were in Scars). They’ve been embalmed and their mouths have been sewn shut.

So, here’s where the plot becomes super interesting. I mentioned above that Riley told them they could choose to leave at some point, right? Al was saying that everything they’ve set up is impressive—food, power, water, they’re very self-sustaining—but it felt like they were preparing for something big.

He admits that they are. He says they are planning to soon close the doors permanently. He says they never want to go topside again, and the new way to live will be underground.

Later, when talking to Morgan, Al sort of implies that maybe it’s not so much about them choosing to go underground as that something will drive them underground for a long time. Almost like they’re preparing for a nuclear winter or something. But we don’t know exactly what it is.

I think what we’re supposed to infer is that they’re collecting walkers to use as compost in coming years. (They even call the walkers ‘posters.) They’re embalming the walkers to keep them “fresh.” Riley says the walkers last about 2 months in the composter before they break down entirely, so putting away 20 or 30 walkers really will last them for years.

CRM Ties

Wes and Al snoop through Derek’s room. They find maps of different communities and some of those transparent overlays that have the three rings of the CRM on them. That’s how they know that this group is attacking communities (like Tank Town) and that Derek knows all about it.

The other thing Al figures out from looking at Derek’s maps is that the group seemed to be tracking the CRM’s drop sites. She thinks they want to get their hands on a helicopter. (So, when it comes to Nora’s group, who was in the high rise, this group wasn’t after them. The roof was a helicopter drop site and that’s really who they were after. Though, they might have set the plague on Nora’s people because they are trying to kill humanity.) And given that this cult might be planning the end of the world, clearly them getting a hold of a helicopter would be a bad thing. 

Al tells Dwight she’s going to go look for Isobel and warn her. I think she’s just planning to go to the drop sites and wait for a helicopter to show up.

So, we have more potential interaction with the CRM through Al. And I’m really hoping we get some good Bethyl symbolism and clues through this storyline. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on it.

Morgan and Burning it Down

Wes confronts him and talks him into leaving with them. At one point, Wes mentions Morgan. I think he just does it without thinking, because what would Morgan mean to his brother, right? But Derek instantly gets weird when he hears Morgan’s name, and Wes doesn’t really notice.

When they try to leave, they get caught, and it’s obvious Derek set them up. They’re taken to the embalming room, and Riley asks where Morgan is. They won’t say how they know him or why they want him, but they’re VERY interested in finding Morgan. 

I was thinking it might just be because Morgan killed those two guys in one of the early episodes when they attacked him in his truck, but they both died and wouldn’t have known his name from that encounter anyway. So I’m not sure what this is about. There are the tapes they were leaving at gas stations and such. Maybe that’s it, but it wouldn’t explain why they would want Morgan more than the others.

They’re taken to the embalming room and threatened with death. Derek takes Wes back to the ivy walker to see if he can “see” what Wes does. 

A fight ensues, and Wes throws Derek into the walker where he’s bitten. He shoots his brother so he won’t turn. The thing about this part is that it doesn’t show it. It instead shows the (somewhat yellowish) mural Derek was working on before, and Teddy’s voice is talking about how light comes from darkness. Then, we just hear a single gunshot. 

That gave me *major* Beth vibes.

Wes then goes back to the embalming room to rescue the others.

Wes’s reaction at this part reminded me a bit of Daryl/Merle too. Not so much at Merle’s death, but back in 3x10 when Daryl returned to the prison. It just struck me that, while Wes did cry when his brother died and clearly mourned him, he got over it really fast. He went back to where the group was and no longer seemed terribly broken up about it. I was just thinking he seemed to have figured out who his true family was and where he really belonged, and that that was more important than his brother’s warped mindset. Much like Daryl and Merle.

When he goes back, he takes Riley hostage briefly and they all escape into another room and bar the door. This room is full of the hanging walkers full of embalming fluid. They have to walk between them toward an exit on the far side.

Al Parallels Daryl in 5x15

Here’s another super interesting parallel. Al sees one walker hanging that has the black CRM gear on it, including the helmet, so she can’t see its face. She walks over to it and lifts its helmet, clearly looking to see if it’s Isobel, which it’s not. Such an obvious parallel to Daryl looking into the face of the blond walker on the tree. It even lunges at her and she kills it, like Daryl did with that walker.

What I liked here is that Alicia freaked out about it. She said, “what the hell was that?” Aaron didn’t say that to Daryl, so they weren’t drawing as much attention to it there as they did here. But clearly we are supposed to notice that, without knowing more, that behavior is bizarre. And here, we the audience know that Al was worried it was Isobel. But Alicia doesn’t. Where the blond walker on the tree is concerned, the audience is in Alicia’s place, not being terribly clear about what’s behind Daryl’s behavior. (I mean, TD is, but most of the rest of the fandom isn’t.)

So then Alicia says they should take this place down. When Al stabbed the CRM walker in the neck, embalming fluid poured out. Embalming fluid is highly flammable. So, long story short, Alicia stays behind to “burn it down” and the others escape. (I don’t have to explain that parallel, right? ;D)

It all happens really fast. We see Alicia light the match (which Al had; just reminded me of Daryl having matches in Rick’s hallucination in 7x01, and clearly Al = Daryl in this parallel), and then it skips to Al, Wes, and Luciana back with Morgan telling him what happened. They say the fire was huge and burned hot, and Alicia could have gotten out, but they couldn’t FIND her. They also don’t know if any of the Holding people got out.

So Morgan just says they’re going to go back and start at the Holding location to look for Alicia. I’m assuming that will happen next episode.

So, we aren’t exactly clear on this group’s dogma or what they’re trying to do, but it does seem that they want to kill off everyone who lives up top. Which is, you know, everyone. And once again, that makes them a lot like the Wolves. They believe killing people is saving them. I’m not saying these are Wolves or anything (they might be; after all, both groups tied a blond walker to a tree and believed similar things about killing off the remnants of humanity) but rather that the Wolves were a foreshadow of other groups to come.

And the next question is, are they part of the CRM? Because of the CRM walker, and what they implied about them trying to hijack a helicopter, I’m thinking not. But there’s clearly a lot of entanglement going on.

Alicia = Beth

So, in the final scene, we have some interesting developments. This may be the scene that got my mind spinning the most, just in terms of symbolic Beth potential.

We see Alicia, very much alive, and still in the embalming room, though now all the walls look blackened. So obviously the entire place didn’t burn down. (That doesn’t surprise me. It’s an underground parking garage. It takes a lot to burn down cement.)

She’s being held hostage in there. Riley comes in and says some weird, cryptic things. He says new life springs from death, for MOST people, and that they plan to preserve Alicia exactly as she is. It’s obvious they mean to kill and embalm her.

But I had the thought that maybe they meant her to take the place of the Ivy Walker. We don’t know what happened to that walker. It might have burned in the fire, but they didn’t show us either way. I was thinking that it would make a twisted sense for them to embalm Alicia (who tried to take their community down) and put her in its place. Which would make her a Beth proxy.

Riley leaves her alone with the embalming guy, but she stabs him in the eye (Sirius) and then, after a brutal scuffle, sticks him in the neck with the embalming needle, killing him.

It’s then that we finally meet Teddy, the leader of the cult. We hear about him and hear his voice a lot during the episode (they play tapes of him talking throughout the garage as people work) but this is when we first see him. It’s John Glover. I don’t know if everyone’s familiar with him. He was on Smallville back in the day. I totally forgot he was going to be on the show. He’s usually a villain, but more of a funny villain than a scary villain.

Anyway, he basically tells Alicia he has a special role for her and that he’s been looking for someone like her for a long time. He seems convinced that he can convert her to his philosophy, but he’s also fixated on the fact that she sacrificed herself for her family. So, it doesn’t say what he means by “someone like you” but I’m assuming someone who is brave or else self-sacrificial.

But here’s the thing. I’ve been thinking recently that they haven’t really done much with Alicia lately. She’s one of the few surviving originals for this series, and one of the most well known actors going into it, because she’s been on other highly-watched tv shows, but they’ve kind of been ignoring her.

So, I think this is the beginning of a big arc for her, and I think it will be a major parallel for what happened with Beth after she was left behind.

Alicia becomes a proxy here for Beth, not only because she’s in the Grady-like medical room, and stabs a guy in the eye, but Teddy totally razzes her about being left behind.

He says, “they left you behind.” She says, “I made them.” He says, “Yeah, but they obliged.” And then goes off about how they’re her family and family is sacred and they shouldn’t have done that.

And in my head, I’m screaming, “Beth! Beth! Beth!”

So yeah. Super intrigued by this episode. They’re setting up some really intriguing things and it will be very interesting to see what happens moving forward.

What did everyone else think of the episode?

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 10: Geneva Convention Speedrun

Before doing anything else, I built a Prison in the castle so I can test out Orochi’s personal skill. Birthright allows the player to replay old maps for EXP, so I tested it out on one of those maps. I had Orochi go up to a random enemy soldier and use her Capture ability, which knocked him out. When I got back to the castle, he was imprisoned. I had my most terrifying, intimidating soldier, Sakura, go into his cell and convince him to join us. She screamed a bunch like she was being murdered and then walked out with our new soldier: Kenshi the Oni Savage.

Kenshi

Why am I even doing a character profile on this guy? He’s a generic enemy I kidnapped. Whatever, he’s part of the team now. I shall treat him with love and respect.

Hey, minor thing that’s unrelated to anything that I feel like mentioning: the Geneva Conventions forbid forcing POWs to fight for you. Corrin is a war criminal. I mean, that isn’t big news, considering the fact that Sakura is by definition a child soldier, but still. So many war crimes.

Speaking of child soldiers, we got Hayato at the end of last chapter.

Hayato

Hayato is another Diviner and the son of Fuga, the buff dude we fought last chapter. His personal skill makes him fight better against higher level opponents, which is fitting for a character with an inferiority complex. Personality wise, he seems kinda rude about characters treating him like a kid, which is dumb because he is a kid. Maybe the game will do something with his wanderlust. Is it just me or does Hayato look a lot like Ricken from awakening? I mean, they aren’t identical like CERTAIN CHARACTERS, but they’re both short young mages wearing blue with red hair and brown eyes. It’s weird. Speaking of his design, I think Hayato’s is fine? It isn’t bad, it’s just kinda okay. Way too similar to Ricken’s though.

Support: Azama/Setsuna

C: Setsuna does chores and Azama sarcastically mocks her. Setsuna is too stupid to understand that he’s being a dick.

B: Setsuna tries cooking. She makes food that is unholy.

A: Setsuna, thanks to Azama’s sarcastic advice, goes into a zen state and creates the greatest meal Azama has ever had.

S: Setsuna proposes to Azama.

Review: A very shallow support line, admittedly. Setsuna’s incredible stupidity is amusing, but Azama comes off as a jerk and the two of them do not work as a couple.

Support: Kaze/Saizo

C: Kaze asks Saizo about his quest to avenge their murdered father, pointing out that Saizo is motivated solely by his desire for revenge and loyalty to Ryoma. Saizo hints that there may be something else fueling him before running off.

B: Kaze challenges his brother to a duel, under the condition that Saizo comes clean if Kaze wins. Saizo decides to just explain things to Kaze. Years ago, Saizo confronted the man who murdered their father but failed to kill him, losing his eye in the process. Saizo hid this fact for years out of shame.

A: Kaze apologizes for allowing Saizo to carry the burden of his revenge alone and vows to make amends, promising to become Saizo’s new eye.

S: This is a great support line that expands Saizo’s backstory, explaining his scars and grumpy mood, while also establishing a solid relationship between the ninja brothers.

Support: Hinoka/Sakura

C: Sakura, while watching her sister train, laments that she isn’t brave and tough like Hinoka.

B: Hinoka praises Sakura for her kindness, stating that their love for their family members is what they have in common.

A: Sakura and Hinoka decide to train each other. They hug.

Review: A sweet, but ultimately lacking support line. I do like Sakura’s feelings of inferiority and desire to have Hinoka be proud of her, but ultimately this support line is just the two of them explaining things we already knew.

Support: Corrin/Hayato

C: Hayato is sending charms back to the Wind Tribe. Corrin encourages him to send a letter with them. Hayato freaks out, because he’s never written a letter before.

B: Corrin helps Hayato write a letter, recommending that he tell his family that he isn’t scared of ghost stories any more. Hayato objects, and instead writes about his battle prowess. On Hayato’s suggestion, Corrin also decides to write a letter.

A: Hayato sends off his letter and Corrin gives him hers, which is filled with her gushing about how awesome he is and embarrasses him. Hayato decides to write an embarrassing letter for Corrin in response.

S: Hayato writes a letter about how cute Corrin is and how he’s in love with her. They get engaged.

Review: This support was...weird. It’s a “comedic” support, but it isn’t very funny. The letter writing concept is odd, but I suppose it makes sense for Hayato. I will say that this one flows into the S-Rank conversation better than most, but that’s about all that works.

Paralogue 1: Tragic Start

Fire Emblem games often feature side levels called Paralogues. Most of the Paralogues in Fates are linked to a specific route, so I’ll be doing them after their route is done. The exception is Paralogue 1, which is available for all three routes and will be done now.

The chapter opens by showing a herd of faceless destroying a small village and killing the mother of Mozu, one of the villagers. Team Corrin hears the screams and runs in to save the day. They find Mozu cowering in a thicket, hiding from the faceless. Corrin comforts her over the death of her family and Mozu decides to fight to avenge her family, joining the army.

Mozu

Mozu is our obligatory small child who can’t fight but has really good stat growths because of her personal skill. Like Donnel from awakening. Honestly, identical to Donnel from Awakening. To be fair, she does have some characterization about her being the sole survivor of her village, which might come up in supports. Her design is fine; a bit plain, but that works for her character. I am unnerved by how young she looks for a character in a game about soldiers and marriage, though.

The enemies in this chapter are fairly weak. I bolted Corrin over to Mozu with Subaki and recruited her. I decided to try and have Mozu kill as many faceless as possible, to avenge her dead family. Mozu can’t take a hit and does one damage, or zero in some cases, but it was doable. I positioned her next to Corrin, made sure to only fight one enemy at a time, had Hana weaken enemies with a kodachi, and healed Mozu constantly with Sakura. After thirty-three long turns, Mozu killed all of the faceless and reached level eight. Still, it was worth it. Those seven levels of high growths made her go from doing one damage per hit to doing five.

After the battle, Mozu is left wondering what to do with her life since, you know, everyone she ever knew is now a corpse. Corrin suggests she join the team, but only until they find a good home for her, because Mozu is a child and they are an army. Mozu decides to join their cause, despite having literally no idea what they’re fighting for.

So that’s another child soldier. God, child soldiers, forcing POWs to fight for you, invading Hoshido and killing border guards, killing enemy medics...Corrin’s speedrunning the geneva conventions.

[moonflower-31]

A Wish Your Heart Makes - Gabriel x Reader

Warnings: Language, definitely. Mention of sex? For you ace folks. And description of stabing? Its a djinn hunt, so you get the picture.

Character(s): Gabriel, Dean, Castiel, Sam, + alternative versions of all of them. You'll see.

Pairing: Gabriel x Reader

~~~~~

"Come on, this is like, the biggest hunt we've been on since... since Amara. We should celebrate." Dean says, grinning widely.

You shook your head and laughed. "I don't know about that. That hunt down in Kentucky was pretty wild." You point out. Sam smirked.

"Really? You think, Zombies, was the biggest hunt? When we just fought like three Djinn?" Sam asks, walking towards the Impala with you and his brother.

You rolled your eyes again. "Wendigo, Samuel. It was a Wendigo, not a zombie. I should know. I was the one who saved your ass." You remind, pointing at Sam with your blade that was dripping with lamb and Djinn blood.

Dean chuckled and clapped his hands. "Oh Sammy, they got a point." He points out, smirking at his brother as he gets into the Impala.

Sam rolled his eyes and got in, ignoring his brother. "Forget it. Let's just go. I'm sure we can celebrate at the bar near the bunker." Sam grumbled, and closed his door.

You laughed and moved to the trunk to put the blade away. You popped the trunk and slid the blade away as you heard a wrustle in the bushes. You immediately grabbed a flashlight and shined it into the woods, finding nothing. You shrug it off as being some strays or wildlife and get back into the car. 

~~~~

"Come on Sam! They've got a two for one deal on whiskey shots! You wanna go?" Dean asks, challenging Sam to some shots.

You snicker as you climb out of the Impala after the brothers. They had been bickering as to who got the last kill on the hunt on the way there, and then you had suggested that they all get a few shots then go home. That's what led to this conversation. 

Sam rolled his eyes. "Come on, Dean. We aren't 27 anymore." He protests, closing the door to the Impala. "But fine. I can drink you under the table. As long as you let Y/N drive us home." Sam says, walking up to the door with Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Fine. But only this once." He says, pointing at Sam. "If you scratch or even put a single dent in her, you're dead, hear me?" He says, looking at you with dead seriousness in his eyes. You expected nothing less.

"Of course Dean. What? You think I would take this chance to damage her as much as I can without a drunk Dean noticing? Do I look like I wanna get skinned alive?" You reason, raising an eyebrow and smirking at him.

Dean ponders this for a moment before he nods. "Fine. Okay. Just don't wait up, alright?" He says, patting Sam's back before racing into the bar with Sam trailing behind him.

You chuckle to yourself as you begin walking towards the door yourself, before you see something move along the side of the bar. You furrow your eyebrows, following the noises as you take out your knife.

One step in front of the other, you make your way towards the side of the bar, trying to see with the limited light of the neon bar signs. You curse your eyes silently, for not being adjusted to the night as you walk slowly forward.

The closer you get, the more uneasy you feel. You feel tempted, to call out for someone to answer, but reconsider. You fish out your phone and dial Dean's number, and hear it ring once, then twice, as you look around. Then you feel your body being shoved against the brick wall of the bar, making you drop your phone.

You cry out in pain as the brick scrapes against your skin and you feel someone touch your temples. You look forward and see a younger Djinn, who smirked at you as the blue light began to emit from your fingers.

"Close your eyes sweet thing~" it warned, as you felt your eyes close unwillingly, and you fell unconscious. 

Suddenly, you open your eyes and jolt up in bed. Your chest heaves with fear. Was... was that a nightmare? That...

Now nothing was coming up. You couldn't recall anything of your dream. Your breathing didn't slow down though.

"Sugar?" You hear. You furrow your eyebrows and look up to see Gabriel, in his red boxers and a white, clean tank top. You blush a bit, and look up at him, and into his eyes. They were full of worry, but still shone their natural whiskey toned wonder.

"You alright? You were screaming in your sleep, cupcake." Gabriel asks, coming over to your side. You rubbed your eyes for a moment, blinking a few times as Gabriel wrapped an arm around you.

What was going on? He never did this. He never even attempted this before. Sure you, had your crush and Sam and Dean teased you about it, but you never told Gabriel how you felt. Why would you? It was a silly, puppy crush. That lasted for around 8 years now. But who's counting?

You furrow your eyebrows for a moment, and look up at him. "What are you doing? You...never hold me like this." You ask. Gabriel looks at you like you just said the weirdest thing in the world.

"Haha, what?" He asks, giving you a questioning look. "Sugar, I hold you every chance I get. So I can feel that sexy body of yours. And keep you as close as I can." He smirked, winking at you. You second guess yourself for a few minutes. Yeah... yeah that was right. You two were together...but why were you in a bed that wasn't in the bunker?

"Where...are we?" You ask. Gabriel chuckled again.

"At home, Sugarplum, where else would we be? I bought this place myself. Of course with your help." He says, as if reminding you. You focus your gaze forward for a moment, and then look back up at Gabriel.

"O...okay... uh... I'm fine... yeah... just a nightmare." You say, looking into his eyes. He smiled, almost in relief. 

"Good. I gotta get to making the apple pie. Dean is going to kill me if I don't make it right." Gabriel smirked and kissed your cheek as he gets up and starts walking out of the room. You stand up in confusion.

"W-why?" You ask, standing up from bed. Gabriel again looks at you.

"The party? Why else? Did you hit your head when you got up last night?" He asks, chuckling a bit as he walked back over and kissed your forehead. "Try to rest a bit, okay Sugar? We'll leave in a couple hours. If we're late again Cassie will shoot me." He chuckled. 

You looked at him in confusion, tilting your head as you pondered what he said. Gabriel then chuckled.

"Hey, you could rival him in cuteness with that head tilt. You could have a whole contest." He insists, smirking before he leaves the room.

You shake your head a bit. This was odd. Everything felt...right. Gabriel was... what you guessed was human. He was your boyfriend.

You look down at your hand and widen your eyes. Scratch that, husband.

You look around the room for a moment, and then down at yourself. You didn't have half the scars you were supposed to have from hunting.

Then.you look up and turn towards your side of the bed, and see a picture frame. You sit down and take it up into your hands. It depicted Dean and Cas, you and Sam, and Gabriel. All in weird Christmas sweaters with a very Hallmark like 'Happy Holidays!' across the bottom.

You smirk a bit. "I must've fought tooth and nail to get Dean into that..." you think for a moment. Then you put the photo down. You smile a bit to yourself before you look next to it, and find a packet of condoms. You widen your eyes and blush brightly. So apparently you two were sexually active. Perfect.

You pick up the condoms and put them in the nightstand drawer, and then promptly close it. You move over to what you guessed was Gabriel's side of the bed and looked to see a pile of candy wrappers on the table. You smirk to yourself, chuckling. You didn't dare open Gabriel's nightstand drawer as you stood up, and walked over to the closet. You opened it and pulled out an outfit you knew you owned. You smiled to yourself. Maybe all of this was right. And you were just imagining things. Yeah. Probably.

~~~

"You lost them?!" Gabriel asks, clutching at his hair. He was pacing the room as the two mutton heads tried to explain where the hell their friend was. 

Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead. "We didn't lose them, they were taken." Dean says, looking up at the two angels that were now in the room.

"How does that make anything better, Dean?" Castiel asks, his eyebrows furrowed in anger.

Sam sighed. "It... it doesn't. But at least we know that they didn't just walk off." He adds.

Gabriel was fuming at this point. He growled and turned towards the two. "Yeah, they didn't. They were freaking taken! By father knows what because you two were too drunk off your asses to answer their damn phone call!" Gabriel yelled, growling lowly.

Sam and Dean looked down in shame. They knew it was their fault. If they hadn't been so focused on their drinks and celebrating, they would have heard your phone call and have probably been able to help you. But now you were Chuck knows where and were probably being used as a food source.

Gabriel snarled a bit, beginning to pace through the room. Castiel sighed and tried to get Gabriel to calm down.

"Why are you so mad Gabriel? You don't usually show this much care to anyone. Let alone any human." Dean asks, looking up at Gabriel. Gabriel shoots Dean a glare, as if he should know.

"They're my soulmate, Dean. I told you to keep them safe!" He hollered, his eyes slightly glowing with his grace. Castiel held Gabriel back, to keep him from attacking Dean.

"What? Angels... angels have soulmates?" Sam asks. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Why do you think that the moment I saw them with you that I took such a specific interest in them? Its a feeling. The one, true feeling that I'm allowed to feel. It draws me to them. And I can't feel it right now. So if they're dead? You're both next." Gabriel deadpans.

Castiel sighed. "Gabriel, please, calm down. You can still feel their life force, correct? Their soul is connected to your grace." Castiel asked.

Gabriel sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I can still feel 'em... I just... I can't feel the draw to them. Thats usually how I locate them." He sighed. "They might be warded..." he suggests, running a hand through his hair.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Wow, and thats the second biggest piece of information I've heard all day." He says sarcastically, getting a glare from Gabriel.

Sam sighed, moving back and forth through the bunker. Then it hit him. "Dean, are you sure we got every Djinn last night? They mentioned being a family. That would mean..." he starts, looking at Dean.

Gabriel furrowed his eyebrows. "You guys were hunting a Djinn and you didn't think to tell me?!" He asks.

Dean sighed. "We didn't think ig was relevant information at the time, okay archdouch?" He asks, grumbling to himself.

Gabriel felt his vessel's blood pressure rising. He couldn't take much more of this. "You listen to me, both of you. Where, the hell, did you two hunt these Djinn? Hm? And where, were they hiding out?" He asks.

Dean looked at Sam and sighed again. "A small town about 3 hours north, and in an abandoned warehouse." Dean answers, looking slowly from Sam to where Gabriel once was, and took a double take when he realized the archangel immediately ran off once he knew what had taken you. 

~~~ 

"Come on, Sugar, we're going to be late!" Gabriel calls from the kitchen. You giggle a bit as you run a hand through your hair, and look yourself over once.

Gabriel's arms wrap around your middle, pulling you against his chest. He kisses your neck playfully, making you squirm and pull away from him.

"Okay okay! Stop it!" You insist. He wiggles his eyebrows at you. "Tease." You add.

Gabriel chuckled. "Come on, Sugarplum. Dean's already gonna shoot me for using Granny's apples instead of the orchard ones he sent me." He says with a laugh as he takes your hand and leads you out of the house and towards a silver car in the driveway. You smile to yourself, laughing a bit as you get in and the first song that comes on the radio was 'Candyman' by Christina Aguilera. 

"Perfect song for you." You tease. Gabfiel lets out a laugh and his hand finds your thigh.

"That, was the old me. Sure, still love sweets, and sex, but only with one sexy person." He purred, booping your nose. You immediately giggle and turn to look out the window.

As Gabriel drives down the road, you begin to see flashes of a world you didn't recognize.

"Where were they?" An echoing voice that sounded like Dean's asks.

A different version of Gabriel lays was looks like you, onto a small couch in a bunker of sorts.

"Warehouse, like you said. The Djinn was a teen. Barely out of it's blue diapers." The other Gabriel says. "But he got to them first. We have to wake them up."

You shook your head as the visions faded. What the hell was that? And what did Gabriel mean by wake you up?

You shook it off, it was probably nothing.

~~~~

"And you're sure this will work?" Gabriel asks, wary of the glass with the 'Dream root' as Dean and Sam called it with bits of his soulmate's hair in it. He turned his nose up at it, groaning at the smell.

Dean sighed. "Yeah. This'll work. It's worked multiple times for us. So yeah. We'll watch your vessel. Just get them to kill themselves in the dream, and then they'll be brought back here, topside." Dean answers. Gabriel exhaled a bit in anger. The mere idea of suggesting that to his soulmate, when their dream could potentially be a good one? What they truly want? He didn't want to take that away, bug he also didn't want them to be taken away from him.

Gabriel nodded in clarification, and sighed, and closed his eyes, taking a large gulp of the drink, and feeling himself get woosy soon after, falling asleep right where he stood, and soon after fell.

~~~~ 

You smile to yourself as you hear the loud noises from inside Dean and Castiel's house. Apparently they were together. Shocker. You climbed out of Gabriel's car and smiled, letting him wrap an arm around you and kiss you softly. You kiss him back, happy for once.

"Oh, I should go say hi to Riot. Ill meet you inside, okay?" You say. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"I swear it's like you like the dog more than actually being here." Gabriel teased. "Go ahead Sugar. I'll be right inside." He says. You smile and kiss his cheek as you head to the side of the house, only to be hugged tightly by...Gabriel?

"Gabriel? I... I just saw you go inside, why-?" You start.

"This isn't real, Y/N. All of this. It isn't real. That me? Isn't real it's all in your head." This Gabriel explained. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

"Gabe... I don't understand-" you start again.

"You were attacked, alright? By a Djinn. He put you in a dream. Only you can wake yourself up from it. And everyone inside will keep you from doing so." Gabriel warns.

You look at this Gabriel with confusion. "A Djinn? The blue man?" You ask.

Gabriel smiled at your recognition. "Yes! Yes that's exactly what I'm talking about! You need to wake up." He says again.

Yoh shook your head in confusion. "I... I don't... I don't know how..." you ask, looking back up at Gabriel and feeling a strange sense of calm as you looked up at him.

Gabriel sighed and pulled out a knife and handed it to you. "You know how, Sugar. Dean's told you how he did it. Just do it soon. Please. I can't lose you." Gabriel warns. You sigh a bit, and nod to him. You wield the knife in your hand for a moment to plunge it into your stomach, before the other Gabriel started to wrestle with the one you were talking to. You suddenly look up, seeing the other Gabriel and now Dean trying to hold Gabriel away from you.

"Gabe? D...dean?" You ask, taking a step back.

The other Gabriel looks up at you and smiled. "You can stay here, Y/N. You can stay here and be with me. Have kids, get a normal job, get a dog. Maybe a Corgi. You don't have to go back. It's full of suffering. You know that." The other Gabriel says, walking towards you as Dean wrestles the real Gabriel to the ground.

"D-don't listen to them Y/N! Do it!" The real Gabriel cries out, grunting as Dean holds him down.

You furrow your eyebrows as you think, the other Gabriel not giving you time to do so.

"You don't have to go back to pining over this asshat. You can stay here, with me, and we can be together. Like you want. You don't need that. Why don't you give me the knife, and this can all be over." The other Gabriel says, nodding to you in a way the real Gabriel wouldn't.  You instantly furrow your eyebrows farther, taking a step back.

"No-" The real Gabriel starts. "T-this... this isn't real, but y-your feelings are... please, listen to me Sugar..." he starts.

You bite your bottom lip, debating your choice of words. "Are they? Really? Or has this Djinn made those up? Make me believe you'll never really love me back-" you start.

The real Gabriel breaks free for a moment. "They are real, Y/N. I love you. I really do. Alright?" He says, Dean grabbing his arms again.

You widen your eyes for a moment, and look down at thw blade in your hands.

"He doesn't mean what he says. But I mean what I do. You don't have to go back. There's nothing worth going back for." The other Gabriel says, walking forward.

You clench the knife's handle in your hand for a moment, stealing a glance the real Gabriel's way before saying, "Yeah, yeah actually, there is." You say, plunging the knife deep into your chest.

~~~~

You wake up with a jolt, finding yourself in the bunker, and on an old couch. You felt drained, and exhausted. You looked down, not seeing a stab wound. You sighed in relief, and looked up, seeing Sam and Dean who soon came in closer and hugged you tightly.

"Oof... what warranted this? Is it national Winchester hug day and I slept through it?" You tease weakly. You laugh a bit and look over to see Gabriel slowly getting up. You smile a bit at him, although weak.

"Definitely." Gabriel says, smiling at you as he stands up and walks over to you, pulling you into his arms.

You widen your eyes again for a moment, before you leaned into his embrace. It felt right.

"Just, just rest, okay Sugar? They're will be plenty of time to hunt down more monsters tomorrow..." Gabriel says, rubbing your back. "I love you..." he whispers. 

You sigh to yourself, but you give in, and you fall asleep in his arms.

Was the life perfect? Hell no. But was it was good enough. Especially when being carried. But you loved it. And you loved him. And something, deep down inside you, believed he loved you the same.

Perhaps you were right.

[kaluawoo]

OC Character Ask

Tagged by @nyanberri​! I have too many OCs to choose from so I’ll uhhh just take Lexy/Lexie/Lexi I guess bc she’s my KH OC and I’ve met you through KH. and bc I need to flesh her out more Putting it under a cut for length and some KH spoilers until like KH3-ish

Tagging @silverfeathers to do it too :3

1. Do they have a morning routine that they do to get ready for the day? What about a night routine?

Aside from the standard get dressed, brush teeth, etc, not really.

2. Is there anything specific that they need before they go to bed? A night light? Warm milk? Maybe a story?

She didn’t before, but after she and her family got attacked by Shadows, she started writing a journal each night, and some nights she needs a night light.

3. Do they have a skin care routine? If so is it long or short?

Not really skin care, but she’s tried out a lot of scar creams. I’d put more info but all google gives me is “How to get rid of scars” and not “How to make sure they don’t feel uncomfortable”

4. Do they like tight clothes or loose clothes?

Either is fine as long as it’s colorful, she’s basically a walking rainbow.

5. What is their favorite color?

Do you have to make her choose...? I guess if she has to, she likes dark blue, the sky just after sunset. Or the red of Axel’s hair and the black of his coat

6. What kind of stuff do they dream about? What do they have nightmares about?

Most of her dreams are those weird dreams that make you go “????” but when you think a bit you can easily decipher which happenings during the day caused what part of the dream. Nightmares, though, usually have to do with her or people she cares about getting cornered by a hulking black mass with piercing yellow eyes.

7. Do they have any special talents? Singing? Dancing? Playing an instrument?

Well it’s definitely not playing poker, Lexi can’t do a pokerface to save her life lmao. She’s gotten a little bit of training with different weapons, but not much, like, Sora’s experience with wooden swords was probably better than what she can do at the start of her journey.

8. Are they active? If so what do they do? Workout? Play a sport?

She’s gotten Axel, Demyx, Roxas, and Xion to teach her a little bit of fighting cringe is dead my OC is friends with half the Org deal with it but not a lot tbh, especially since it’s several different fighting styles that she now knows the basics in, but none she’s actually good at.

9. What is something that they are really passionate about?

“Listen Nobodies DO have emotions, I HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH THEM FOR AGES, EVEN THEY REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT because they’re all IDIOTS, but trust me I know that!”

10. Do they ever have a self care or 'me’ day? If so, what do they do?

Lexy is a total extrovert and loves company, so a “me” day usually still involves hanging out with other people. Maybe if she really just wants to relax, hanging out with Demyx specifically and listen to him play the sitar.

11. What’s something they’re secretly really insecure about? Is it something physical or maybe something related to who they are or what they identify as?

Her non-existent fighting skills. Lexie kinda-sorta joins Sora’s group for the timeline of KH2, and she tries but especially at the start she’s just... Not good at it. And if she faces Shadow Heartless she has almost no chance because she tends to freeze up then. She does get better at fighting over time though.

12. Have they ever dated? If so, how did their last relationship end?

She’s probably had a few dates as a teen, maybe a partner, but nothing too serious. She’s (with almost no success) trying to hide that she’s got a crush on Axel/Lea, and they finally get together around DDD.

13. Do they care about quality or quantity with their work?

When it’s for friends, quality, otherwise she’s kinda just “eh, good enough” for stuff.

14. What is their favorite scent?

The smell of a campfire. Heat in general is nice (hot water smells different than cold water I swear), but campfires especially.

15. What is their favorite genre of music?

Lexi’s fine with whatever tbh, but it varies a bit on her mood. If she’s stressed or just wants to chill, she’s taken a liking to sitar music, otherwise she really likes pop.

16. What do they usually have for a midnight snack?

Nothing, usually.

17. Have they ever snapped because of what someone said or did to them? If so what happened? Do they regret it and did they apologize?

Theoretically that scene isn’t written yet, buuuut. Lexie’s best friend is Demyx. Sora is not exactly sad about killing her best friend. I’d say it’s pretty damn understandable for Lexie to get pissed off in that situation. She’s very emotional in general so probably snapped at people in general when it came to the topic of Nobodies; sometimes she’d apologize, but not always.

18. Do they have any kind of medical condition? If so what? Asthma, kidney disease, etc.

Well I’m pretty sure having her parents and almost herself killed in a Heartless attack could’ve caused PTSD, so I need to do some research on that before writing more with her.

19. Have they ever had a panic attack? If so, what caused it and how were they able to calm down?

Well, I’m pretty sure seeing the monsters who killed your parents and seeing your friends and crush killed in front of you can cause those - The Shadows moreso directly, while the friends/crush stuff usually needed a while to really hit. Like, so much happening it once, that a few hours or days afterwards it hits her all at once and she just. Curls up somewhere.

20. What are they genuinely afraid of?

Shadow Heartless, and losing people she cares about (yeah she’s gonna suffer). As for the Shadows, she knows there’s stronger and more dangerous Heartless around, but the Shadows scare her the most.

21. How organized are their living spaces? Do they keep things clean or are they disorganized?

“Damn girl you live like that?” Her room’s chaos, but somehow she always knows where stuff is.

22. If they ever had a YouTube channel, what would they make videos about?

Pretty scenery videos around Twilight Town. The view from the clock tower, pretty places in the woods around the city, etc.

23. Do they have a birthmark or any scars? If so how do they feel about them and how did they get their scars?

Lexi’s pretty much covered in scars. Her family wanted to get out of Twilight Town when the Heartless started becoming more and more, but didn’t make it all the way to the train station - Lexy’s parents got killed in the attack, and Lexy almost died. Her little sister is the only one who got away without physical damage.

24. Are they the type to start or finish fights?

Hm... Neither and both. Lexi can get worked up quickly, so arguments with her might get heated, but she usually wouldn’t start an actual fight, especially since she calms down pretty quickly, her emotions burn hot and bright but not long.

25. Do they like cuddling? If so are they a big spoon or a little spoon?

Yes.

26. Do they prefer baths or showers?

Baths, though she usually takes showers because it’s quicker.

27. How do they sleep? Do they stay in one position all night or do they toss and turn? Do they snore or talk in their sleep?

Lexi sometimes mumbles in her sleep, and she moves around a lot. That’s how you can tell she has a nightmare: She moves almost not al all when she has one.

28. How touch starved are they? Would they like a hug right now?

Technically not touch starved, but yes, she’d love a hug.

29. What are their favorite kinds of foods? Sweets, sour foods, salty, etc?

She likes all of them on occasion, but she’s especially fond of spicy food and all kinds of curry.

30. Do they still have anything from their childhood? If so what and why? A stuffed animal, a piece of jewelry, a book, etc?

She’s got a stuffed animal that belonged to her little sister, and a few of her own. Other than that a few trinkets that were gifts from friends, but most of them are too recent to be called “from her childhood”.

[atamascolily]

lily watches fma:b, eps. 42-47

In which the Briggs arc goes out with a bang, and I have flashbacks to the “Day of Black Sun” from Avatar: the Last Airbender.

Okay, Al is basically still May's age on the inside, lol. i love those two.

hawkeye reduced to serving tea for Bradley makes me so damn mad.

but bradley is in love with his (human) wife so there’s that.

kimblee double-crossed the drachma dudes? how completely in character.

one of the chimeras betrays Scar's group and brings in Envy. I was hoping he'd be relevant again!! turns out it was a trap and the chimera isn't actually evil again.

so envy uses the philosopher's stone to power his shapeshifting?? sure looks like it.

apparently marcoh has been mixing alkahestry into his work and it's awesome. the ice sculpture in a middle finger is a nice touch.

oh, no, may's hiding out doing action at a distance and envy has no clue. GO TEAM.

okay, marcoh denatures envy down to a little bug form which is simultaneously cute and disturbing. Yoki messes with it at his peril. I love how envy accidentally takes the wrong hostage if he wants people to care about his victim's fate.  

Scar is inspired by Miles to change Amestris from the inside instead of just killing people, so... that's good, I guess?

scar gives may envy in a jar and tells her go home, which seems LIKE SUCH A BAD IDEA ON SO MANY LEVELS

(like, I get that they did this so May could save her clan--which clearly hit of Scar's buttons--does no one even bother to think this through...?)

(the last time an emperor tried to get immortality was Xerxes and THAT worked out so well, so... *cue 'The Genocide Song' from Trigun*)

Anyway, I predict this will not end well.

Meanwhile, one of Greed's chimera buddies, Bido, survived, and learns that the military is searching for Izumi and Sig, but they're on the lam. He follows them back to base when he realizes they're from Bradley; he wants revenge for Wrath killing his boss.

(i love u bido you adorable little rat.)

(also, the fact that the original!Greed was like, "fuck u, I make my own rules" and ran away from Father's schemes with his misfit friends just warms my heart.)

There are only three rules for state alchemists: "don't interfere with the military,""don't make people," and "don't make gold",LOL.

It's so funny to me that the gold thing is included, even though I don't understand how you can MAKE gold with alchemy if gold is a single independent element and you are bound by the laws of equivalent exchange. but whatever, it's still really freakin' funny to me that they don't want State Alchemists fucking up the economy with their magic chemistry powers.

anyway, turns out they don't also want people growing their own armies in the basement - that's what THEY'RE DOING. quoth olivier: fuck.

(fun fact: an RPG character of mine playing a necromancer in a urban fantasy setting did EXACTLY THIS and it was awesome)

somehow, al and winry get to liore (again, DISTANCE? Time??) and "Mr. Ho" is working for Rose's food stand.

And he's all, "oh, I heard about how you lost your body, lol" and then...literally walks off.

(the sad thing is that Hohenheim is literally NOT the worst father in this show - that award goes to Shou Tucker.)

Bido discovers the Zombie Meat Locker, then runs into Greedling... who doesn't remember him until AFTER he stabs him, sob. rip bido.

Winry takes a bath, because fanservice, and she and Rose talk... and it does not pass the Bechdel test, sigh.

there's a "Banks Bank" in Briggs, lol

I wish I could get my glasses to do the opacity thing on command.

Ling yells at Greed for being a jerk and Greed decides to try and kill Wrath because that worked SO WELL last time...(at least he managed to shield from Bradley's signature move this time)

The Armstrong patriarch makes Olivier and Alex fight over who gets to be head of the family, lol. Then he just walks out and starts acting like Olivier won the fight, which she does.

turns out it's to keep the military from taking them all hostage for Olivier's good behavior. She's really good at this.

Envy tricks May into going back to Central, sigh.

Ling regains control of his body long enough to run into Ed and explain before Greed takes over again

they're really laying out the whole "Seven deadly sins as a personal flaw" thing on thick, aren't they?

Greed just wants to be left alone, but agrees to team up if Ed works for him, lol.

Izumi proudly declaring herself to be a housewife as she kicks ass gives me life

the phone chain here is pretty impressive, although grumman loses major points for sexually harassing Rebecca

apparently, Father has to wait for the stars/planets/sun to align in order to do his Evil Alchemy - it's referred to as "the Promised Day" and I'm having flashbacks to the "Day of Black Sun" from Avatar: The Last Airbender (though I think it's supposed to be more like Sozin's comet?).

TIME SKIP! It's spring in Resembool for the sheep festival. Winry is smuggled home and finds Ed in her bedroom - right as she's about to undress. Hijinks ensue.

anyway, Ed and Greed are hanging with Pinako. Ed gets his automail serviced and Winry ups the stakes by refusing to run away in case things go wrong.

she is specifically ordered to stay at home and bake a pie while the men go out to battle, sigh.

meanwhile, greed approves of winry's desire to "have it all" (i.e, victory against Father AND Ed and Al getting their bodies back on the Promised Day) and Ed is Not Amused.

(i love greed so much, he is definitely the #BestHomunculus in this version.)

Scar has been gathering the Ishvalans to help save Amestris and thereby win acceptance back

Grumman calling the Fuhrer "Bradley-chan" is hilarious, full stop.

Al's body keeps calling his spirit back but I'm not sure why it's only been a problem recently, given the gap between its loss and the present day.

we're now up to the "day before the promised day" which means that from now until the end (ep. 64) is likely to take place in 48 hours (plus whatever resolution awaits at the end in 64). yowza.

unfortunately, bradley appears to be on to Team Good's elaborate plan, but it's unclear if Team Good wants it that way or not.

okay, it’s intentional, they blew up the train, but I'm pretty sure Bradley's not dead

(why is grumman narrating the "previously on" intro, tho)

The first thing Ed does when he sees Hohenheim is punch him in the face, #bless.

Hohenheim offers to use his stone to bring back his sons' bodies... which means he COULD have fixed Izumi earlier, but didn't. fuck you, hohenheim.

okay, so it really is "the Day of Black Sun after all" - WHY DOES AN ECLIPSE MAKE ALCHEMY WORK BETTER, PLEASE EXPLAIN.

(he does not explain)

hohenheim asks if ed will help with the plan, lol, what exactly is the plan here, very cryptic of u

I can't believe Pinako asked Ed to tell Hohenheim Trisha's last words. Like, that was her job. She TALKED TO HIM HERSELF EARLIER IN THE SHOW. WHy the fuck did she make ED do it?

hohenheim cries when he learns that trisha said "sorry, I couldn't keep my promise. I'm dying first." AS WELL HE SHOULD, THE FUCKER.

ed buys red cloth and uses it to make his flamel jacket again I'M HOWLING

Al pops out of the bushes unexpectedly and Ling takes over Greed shouting about how his homunculus sense is tingling... I hope Greed doesn't die, but I'm not holding my breath

ed wins by knocking out all the lights, extinguishing the shadows... because pride can only exist in with some light, not full dark? I don't get why shadows work but not dark, despite greed specifically saying “you can’t have shadows without light”. DARK IS DARK, isn’t it?

grumman goes to look for bradley's body,but it's unclear if he's using his allies as a means to take over the country later or if that’s miles’ paranoia

GREED AND LING WORK TOGETHER TO FIGHT GLUTTONY AWWW YEAH

AND THEN LAN FAN SHOWS UP WITH HER BADASS NEW ARM AND SAVES THEM BOTH

(way to level up, Lan Fan!!)

[alecmagnuslwb]

Turn it Back

Writer’s Month 2020 Day Nineteen

Read on AO3

“You just had to get in the last word, huh?” Zatanna yells, violently turning the pages of the book in front of her. “You couldn’t just walk away for once, stay quiet and not insult him.”

She lets out a noise next that’s akin to the sounds he’s heard in animal documentaries before a predator kills their prey and he backs up a bit from her gritting his teeth.

It’s not like he meant for this to happen, he didn’t purposely provoke Papa Midnite to place this specific curse on him. He’d actually been quite cordial for once right up until the very end of their conversation. He didn’t want to be standing here slowly aging backwards to the point that he’s fairly certain within an hour he’ll be an infant again. He just made a tiny comment, a barely there insult.

“And don’t try and tell me it was a tiny comment,” Zatanna says slamming the book closed and grabbing for another one. He backs up again, a little scared she’s now capable of reading his mind and that she’s going to throw one of the large books surrounding her at his head. “You somehow managed to insult his entire immortal life just because he made one little sly comment about your shitty looking summoning circle.”

Okay, maybe it wasn’t one tiny comment, but he was defending his honor. Not that he’s going to say that out loud as his defense, she’ll let this curse on him run its course if he does. He already looks and feels like he’s 20 again, like when he and Zee first met, and if she doesn’t figure out a way to undo this it’s going to become a big problem in mere minutes.

At first it was kind of funny, pleasing even, watching as old scars disappeared, as the dark circles under his eyes faded bit by bit and the laughs lines receded. There’s worse thing in the world that being able to get some of the health he had and pissed away back. Hell even regaining that youthful feel of being 20 again had felt fun for a few minutes, but knowing that it’s only going to last a few minutes makes the reality of it hit hard.

He looks at his hands the scar from the night he met Zatanna and stopped a blade from hitting her dead on fading away from his now unblemished skin.

He watches as she intently reads a page and then looks at John. He feels it happen another scar disappears, this one a tiny circular cigarette burn on his stomach from where he’d fallen asleep with a lit one in his hand in a dingy motel and nearly burnt the place down when he was 19. The stretch of his bones starts to occur, about to go excruciatingly in reverse like it already has once repairing never quite properly healed broken bones, this time the sting is stronger. This is the backtrack of natural growth.

“If this spell makes you any younger, we’re gonna have to break up or else I’ll be committing a felony,” she says eyeing him with an uncomfortable look trying to play it as a joke and failing by a mile.

“Any chance you’ve found a way to fix this so we don’t have to do that,” he says a sharp pain shooting through both of his legs, Zatanna hurriedly turns back to the books ignoring her gut instinct to go to him and help. Nothing like a late age puberty growth spurt going backwards. He grits his teeth at the pain and feels it as his clothes become a little looser and his point of view goes a little lower.

It’s like how Tom Hanks must have felt at the end of Big, but with tortuous pain instead of nice genie man in a box just poofing him back to how he was supposed to be.

“Stay here,” she says rushing past him and out of the room. He really doesn’t want the House of Mystery to be his final resting place, but judging from the excruciating pain he’s fairly certain it’s going to be.

“Couldn’t move if I tried,” he mumbles falling to the floor gripping everywhere in pain. He curls up on his side, ears ringing with pain as he feels every part of him contort his eyes shutting tightly. Papa Midnite would pick the most excruciating deaging curse in the world, it’s very on brand for him.

He doesn’t hear Zatanna come back into the room, but judging from the sharp gasp she lets out when she sees him he’s gotten a lot younger. That’s when she stabs him.

Well he definitely didn’t expect Zatanna to resort to just taking him out of his misery and if she did he never would have predicted brutal stabbing to be the way she’d go about it. The pain of the stab is concentrated, but dull considering how much burning ache is running through his entire body right now.

“Dammit Zee, warn a... guy,” he says and that’s when everything fades to black.

When he wakes there’s sunlight streaming in through an open curtain. He squints his eyes at it turning just enough to spot Zatanna lying beside him still fully dressed in what she’d been wearing the night before, her makeup a little smudged at the edges.

He feels hazy and one look at his hands tells him that he’s no longer slowly descending into pre-pubescence. No, blissfully, achy scarred 30 something Constantine is back. He shifts a little onto his side and pulls himself up looking down at his body, back to the way it should be. His mind clears as he smiles and that’s when he remembers it.

“Wait, did you stab me?” he says loudly waking Zatanna up. She startles up then settles back down grumpily.

“You’re awake,” she says eyes still closed.

“Yeah, I’m awake and you stabbed me,” he says poking her on the shoulder. She bats his hand away grumbling as she sits up rubbing at her eyes smudging her makeup even more. It’s cute even if he’s a little upset she stabbed him.

“You’re welcome,” she says leaning against the headboard beside him. John’s eyes widen at that, he knows logistically she did something that undid the curse, but he’s not really getting how stabbing him helped. Zatanna rolls her eyes with a yawn. “Steel blades forged by fairies from Underhill are bore to protect you from curses. Now usually that means carry one and it’ll stop the curse before it hits you, but theoretically it means that it could also cut the curse out. Literally.”

“So you didn’t stab me due to years of pent up aggression and just wanting me to shut up then?” he says with a cheeky grin.

Zatanna snorts at that. “Maybe that was a little bit of the reason, but mostly I was just saving your ass,” she smiles brushing a hand over his bare shoulder. “As soon as you were fully back to the age your supposed to be I healed you right up, won’t even leave a scar.”

“Hm, too bad this one would have had a great story to go with it,” he chuckles and Zatanna punches him in the shoulder. He feigns injury rubbing at it sourly.

“You’re not telling anyone about this ever, it’ll give Midnite too much pleasure,” she says with a pointed glare. She’s right, as usual.

He stops rubbing at his shoulder and sobers up looking at her seriously.

“Thank you for saving my ass and not letting me turn back into a fetus,” he says with a genuine smile.

“While I did have valued stake in you not turning into a fetus for completely selfish reasons, you’re welcome,” she says. “Next time just let him have the last word for once, okay?”

He nods. He’ll try, he won’t make any promises though, hell knows the back and forth pissing match between him and Midnite isn’t likely to end any time soon.

[calliecat93]

Star Trek TOS Liveblog: The Man Trap

This will be the third time ever watching this one. The first time was when I was fifteen, and I wasn’t impressed. The second time was back in January and while I ranked it pretty low (2/5 IIRC) it was okay, but nothing great. Will that change now having seen the whole series, thus the new insight might change my opinion for better or worst? Well, let us find out~!

This is technically a McCoy episode, so it DOES already win more favor now that he’s my absolute favorite. First two times all I knew about him was that he was a doctor and... that was it. Seriously, McCoy needs more love in popular media and not just for the ‘I am a doctor, not x’ and ‘He’s Dead Jim’ jokes.

The first episode broadcast, and they get the McKirk dynamic perfect instantly. Mind you this was the fifth episode produced, but still this was the 60’s audience first time meeting Kirk and McCoy and this would be the first dynamic introduced to them. And right of the bat, it’s so good. Kirk teasing McCoy about his ex and the flowers bit, haha! Plus the fact that Kirk felt the need to mention that Nancy is McCoy’s ex in his Captain’s Log amuses me for some reason.

I didn’t appreciate how freakin’ amazing an actor DeForest Kelley was the first time around (and not the second time with this episode specifically either), but the way he performs McCoy’s clear anxiety, anticipation, and nervousness about meeting Nancy again... God I love this man~ Also McCoy’s real cute when he’s lovestruck, haha~

“He’s all yours Plum... Dr. McCoy” Jim is just enjoying every moment of finding out about Bones’ love life/messing with Bones over his love life and I love it XD McCoy’s face at that haha~!

Darnell, the first causality of Star Trek. Just missing the red shirt to make it all complete haha~

Sorry your flirting didn’t work out Uhura, but don’t worry! You’ll have better luck in an alternate timeline~!

Aww first McKirk fight. But hey, they make up like... five minutes later. Did I mention that McKirk is an underrated dynamic/ship (I did) ? Cause this is such good McKirk material.

I forgot how freakin’ creepy the Salt Monster is...

I SO wish that we’d had more of Sulu being a plant nerd in-show. Rand was also really fun in this one, which with how she’s treated in all of her other episodes... God she had so much wasted potential.

Is this the only time we ever see McCoy in his quarters? I need to look that up later... also I think I saw somewhere that he and Spock are neighbors going off their nameplates which of course they would be XD

Kirk talking serious business while casually eating some colored stuff on the bridge. Dork.

...okay yeah this episode is definitely hitting me harder this time than the last two times. Like last time I didn’t know about McCoy enough to either feel bad or be worried about him... while this time the ’OMG LADY IF YOU DO ANYTHING TO MCCOY I WILL RIOT AND NO ME ALREADY KNOWING WHAT HAPPENS DOESN’T CHANGE THAT FACT!!!’ feeling is now in high gear.

McCoy, despite clearly still having feelings for her, keeping himself together and not reciprocating Nancy’s advances because she’s a married woman. He’s a good man. I will admit to laughing when Nancy says that she likes him more because his feelings are stronger though, because OF COURSE McCoy’s feels strong emotions all the time haha~!

Considering that she’s under his command in The Undiscovered Country, I’d really like to have sen more Sulu and Rand friendship. It was cute in this episode~

Again, because I failed to appreciate how good of an actor that De was the first time around, I didn’t appreciate how well he did as McCoy whose really Nancy disguised as McCoy. He’s legit creepy with how coldly calculative and subdued (especially compared to how passionate and upfront that McCoy normally is in comparison), yet twitchy and unhinged due to the desperation for salt that the creature is. All the little physical motions that he does as they interrogate Crater, clearly on edge with said motions and body language at the possibility of being exposed. Acting as your character actually being another character acting as your character is not easy to do, but De absolutely nailed it. Why they waited until Season 2 to give him a starring credit I’ll never know.

Love how clearly Spock’s already suspecting that something’s not right with McCoy. When McCoy isn’t being an illogical, over-emotional human, he just knows that something is horribly, horribly wrong even this early on XD Too bad he got injured in the process and all, but meh not the worst that’ll happen to him.

Poor McCoy wakes up to his best friend telling him that his ex is dead while she’s screaming about him wanting to kill her and God what did he do to the universe to deserve this?

Okay admittedly McCoy not being willing to shoot when he’s seeing Nancy clearly doing something to Jim (even if he doesn’t know what) might have been pushing it a bit much... but tbf he’s still clearly shocked/processing what the Hell is happening, just woke up form being drugged, and struggling with his feelings plus he doesn’t like to harm anyone cause doctor and all, so... maybe pushing it but I can believe why he’s in denial despite what’s happening right in front of him.

Ah the one thing that can break Spock’s logical Vulcan demeanor and get outright violent even this early on: Jim being in danger. Glad we got that right first episode... fifth... whatever!

And McCoy kills the image of his former lover to save his best friend’s life even when she begs to him for her not to... again, what did he do to the universe to deserve this? But on the upside he chose to do it to save him so... can I count that as a McKirk moment? Yeah sure, we’ll count it even if it hurts.

Te ending is kind of solemn. McCoy’s clearly not over what just happened, and God who could blame him? Kind of a bummer that he got no real closure, and knowing him it’s just another scar that he’ll carry and keep covered up along with all the others. Hopefully Jim at least gave him some support.

So yeah... I honestly DID really like this better this time. It’s still not the best episode, but it’s by no means a bad one. I’d boost the 2/5 rating to a 3/5 rating and take it off the Least Favorite S1 Episodes list, but we’ll see how I feel when I let it settle and watch it again for the review. Either way... God McCoy needs a hug after this. Oh and I almost began writing a whole McCoy meta regarding this episode (and some For the World is Hollow... added for good measure) which got long enough to require it’s own post that I’ll get to soon. But yeah some nice McKirk, creepy salt monster, excellent DeForest Kelley acting, Sulu and Rand being cute, and it was a decent episode. Though IDT it was the bet to be the premiere once it would have been stronger if the audience had gotten to know McCoy’s character better prior, but that’s the business for you. Was very much worth looking at again~!

[druid-for-hire]

UNSWAYED PT. IV

(pt. i) (pt. ii) (pt. iii) (pt. v) (epilogue) (askblog)

this update consists of a bit of the trek back to hadestown and the workers’ revolution that lasts the summer until persephone’s return in the fall, and being granted the chance to leave at last--to leave for real.

thank you so so much to all my friends @supercantaloupe​, @unholy-boi​ (who helped write the Riots sect), @damondaunnodyke​, & @s-aint-elmo

persephone has left again and sets to repairing the world up Top after the hurricane, now that she’s helped the lovers.

orpheus and eurydice are... on the exodus from the Beyond. it’s a long road--it’s a long walk. takes a week or two.

kampê slinks into the shadows and hides, bitter, among the smokestacks. she hurts and she fears. hades will come for her, she knows, but she knows this place far better than he--that man barely checks up (hence how her grip on the place has gotten out of control), hasn’t been there for all of the rearrangements and updates in centuries. she knows where to hide. he will not find her in her domain. this is her darkness.

the imagery of the Exodus is very much akin to/inspired by the same Exodus of the movie Prince of Egypt. u kno that one?

looks like this, yeah, but like... obviously without the fish, because the walls aren’t made of ocean in this au, they’re just rock

and orpheus and eurydice leading the pack, shadowed looks of determination on their faces

again: this is where Promises (But Sadder) happens

as eurydice takes orpheus back to the main parts of hadestown, she notices too many things: his legs tremble, his hands shake, he breathes just barely too hard and clears his throat and coughs too much; and as they talk about the small things to fill some of the quiet, orpheus asks “what’d you say?” too often

(it’s hearing damage babey!)

of course, no one is spared from the hardships of hadestown. but she... does not like seeing those scars on orpheus

this long walk is also the time they tell each other everything that happened to them since they last saw each other

reminder: orpheus is still weak & kinda sick! and it’s a long walking journey. and everyone’s tired. sometimes they all sit down and camp for the “night” or something. 

the beyond’s not been kind to him; he’s pale as a corpse, with sunken eyes and hollow cheeks, looks as dead as he feels

(really, all the other workers from the Beyond don’t look much better)

it’s kind of a spooky sight when they stop for a few hours and he lays down to take a rest. the state he’s in...

and eurydice is a fairly good singer--nowhere near on orpheus’ (former) level, but good, and she probably sings him small tunes here and there just for the two of them, to relax and comfort and what have you

@axolotlbeans: at some point they stop for the “night” and orpheus collapses; eurydice, who’d been singing, gathers him in her arms and says, "Orpheus, you're shivering; is it cold or fear?"

and he interrupts her, burying his face into her neck and softly rasps "Just keep singing" in the smallest, weakest voice 

when they arrive. it is... a lot.

the long train of people is... heavily distracting. and they seem to come out of nowhere--a lot of hadestown wasn’t even aware there was a Beyond ‘till orpheus got banished, and then they didn’t know the name or what it was, just that he got banished somewhere. even the foremen turn to see; everyone’s sort of like. uh. what the hell is going on? and work sort of stalls out a little bit

eurydice and orpheus go straight to hades and present their demands to let them go. let them all go. blah blah blah some other stuff it probably sounds fairer than that, i don’t have the brain energy to outline all their demands specifically

by the slightly edited words of my good friend supercanteloupe:

let us go, eurydice demands, and hades just laughs, jailbirds like themselves don’t get their freedom so easily. get back to work, songbird, and don’t let the foreman know you’ve been slacking. and all of the rest of you... you’d better return before you’re made to return.

they go, but they’re not done, not by a long shot.

they don’t go back to work.

orpheus cannot sing, but he is still a poet, and the workers have their voices too

the bristling unrest of Hadestown begins to develop into protests, and the protests turn into riots.

orpheus can craft all the words eurydice needs to say with her spirited and powerful voice, to hit every point to cause uprisings and to stab every point to whittle hades down

hades notices things are beginning to go wrong. machine malfunctions, damaged, outright broken; strikes, sit-ins. rolling blackouts. eurydice and orpheus come back and back, with more and more workers, the ones they led out from the beyond and the ones from the factories and mines, always to demand: let us go. 

and hades grows only more calloused and bitter. you failed your test, you don't get second chances. Players who break the rules are banned from play. 

and every time they turn back, back to their increased workloads and their stricter overseers and their hope now stretching thin, and their anger growing more

ok back to me writing: but enough pushing, and even the overseers are beginning to turn.

the furies, infamous guardswomen and union busters, are doing their best to do damage control. and they are fierce. they are vicious, nearly (but not quite) as bad as kampê, and there are three of them--but then there are only three of them, and they cannot possibly control every single instance of revolt when the ball gets rolling

eurydice and orpheus are now the leaders of rebellion, and both of them are marked for banishment. they have to run from god-king hades and stay out of the unrelenting sights of the Furies.

(and this also means they can’t work or the foremen still on hades’ side might turn em in. so they catch a break and a nap, finally, jesus christ)

but.

there is trouble (For hades) in the fact that kampê has practically gone missing. no matter how many are sent to the Beyond, now there is no one to stop them from just... making the trip back. sure. it takes a long time. about a week or so of walking, but they just... come back.

hades takes notice. hades visits the Beyond for the first time in so long and tries to find her, to no avail. the Beyond is far changed than when he last saw it and he does not have the time to spend to find her--he cannot step away from his children for more than a few hours, lest something go wrong again. this is just another inconvenience on his long, long list.

@lookoutitsregan: “they're legally allowed to leave after 15 minutes”

orpheus and eurydice will be dealt with by himself, and so they run--avoid him as much as they can, hide under his radar

by the words of unholy-boi: hades will not let go of his empire so easily. the building pressure only makes him clench his fists tighter, bend his back further, push further to his own breaking point (and towards everyone else’s). 

he’s more likely to go down screaming that he isn’t, more likely to cling hard and furious to his city, push his workers into the dirt and further lose persephone in the process, the further this goes, the more against him, the more likely he is to furiously, dangerously fight back. 

as summer turns late, hadestown doesn’t soften like hades may have had it for persephone in years long since past, hadestown turns from city to warzone

ok back to me again

for the songbirds: there’s the riots and them narrowly escaping hades like all the damn time while he pushes everyone else to their limits

and yet they refuse to be pushed and usurp their foremen as fast as he reinstates things

revolutions usually have unifying symbols of a sort, and the many isolated revolts do eventually coalesce into this all being an outright revolution--a workers’ movement, if you will.

the red carnation. though they don’t have it, they all remember seeing in orpheus’ hand before he was banished--the one solid sliver of the aboveground anyone saw in a long time

@s-aint-elmo: the red carnation becomes their symbol--though they don’t have it, they paint it in hidden alleyways and abandoned factory walls. they have red paper flowers and red cloth tucked into pockets and tool belts

or the red of some banner that waves in the acrid smoke-wind of hadestown’s false air fronts

flowers, painted and made and substituted, are cropping up all over hadestown, and in increasingly more obvious spots. life is blooming in the underground for the first time in so long

OH ALSO, another fun layer of symbolism with the red cloths:

in the staging of actual hadestown, when orpheus sings "and they're gonna bend their branches down and lay their fruit upon the ground; the almond and the apple, the sugar and the maple" the ensemble is on the tables, reaching over eurydice like tree branches in a sort of ^ formation; on "almond" and "apple," the first two layers pull out and dangle white cloth, but on "sugar from the maple," the dude at the top dangles a red one and drops it into eurydice's hands

so there’s that!

also being the bounty of spring above...... rejecting the underworld. some shit like that

in a musical there’d definitely be a sort of revolution song

like uhhh... Why We Build the Wall II. it’s Different this time. it’s not about the circular logic of the wall, it’s about rebelling against the order hades has set for them

There’s so many lines that can be drawn from elsewhere in the musical to be inserted into this

Why do we build the wall, my brothers, my sisters?

He said the wall would bring us peace, the wall would keep out the enemy.

mister hades set us free to work ourselves into the ground. a lot of souls have gotta die to make the underworld go round.

why are we digging out own graves for a living, if we're free tell me why we can't even stand upright?

some sort of rebellion/callback against “who are you to think that you can hold your head up higher than your fellow man?”

i’m gonna count to three, and then i’ll raise my head, singin’, one, two--!

(except they probably finish the count in this one)

also, because i am weak for really great chords being belted out by a big chorus and hearing every voice part slot together, because this is a revolution song with lots of people i think it should have that

everybody 👏knows 👏the 👏walls 👏have 👏ears 👏

thank u supercanteloupe & s-aint-elmo for ur additions on this

the fates’ voices still carry on the wind, hadestown’s false air fronts of stale and acrid air, but orpheus and eurydice have since learned to turn their backs to it

ALSO? Flags

with the revolution coming to span A Really Big Chunk of hadestown, most likely more than half, there’d probably be people putting up flags and banners

i’m just like, inspired by the imagery of the flag raisings in wwii and post-9/11, and also i’m thinking of les mis/french revolution in general not gonna lie

sure, the Furies are union-busters and come after any sign of revolution, but every revolution is a fight against something. there’s always blood spilled, what different is this one?

they can’t be everywhere at once and they’re not like the Fates--they get tired, they’re not omnipresent and omniscient, the people are not powerless

the flag is supposed to attract attention, the point is to be loud

and by god, they are screaming

this is what a steel mill looks like at night. hadestown was sort of already in a hazy blaze, but combo this with a revolution in its midst, with fighting and fire, and... well, it’s a mess

and through all the flames are the carnations blooming, painted and carved on walls and smokestacks and pathways

(it’s very poetic)

(tumblr will kill this post if i link to the source directly, so. photo taken by DragonWolfACe @ deviantart)

hermes still ferries on the train, but the schedule is all out of whack thanks to the strikes and riots turning the systems upside down. he witnesses plenty of the mess that hadestown has fallen into, and the fight the songbirds are fighting

he relays as much news as he can to persephone

(thanks @damondaunnodyke​ for helping write this bit w/ seph)

persephone... worries

she already snuck underground to help them once and a hurricane ravaged the Top for her absence. the songbirds have escaped, and now have to fight this fight for themselves--she can’t go back down to help them, because she has to bring the summertime to the Top, and she refuses to be the cause of another storm

so she’s stuck aboveground. 

and she’s uhh. stressing. drinking. worrying.

everyone can tell there’s something off, but she doesn’t want to dwell on it, insisting that everyone else should just focus on the good times. let me tell ya something that my mama said to me...

she tries to not stress--there’s nothing she can do right now, why worry, you know? unless she wants to get more gray hairs than she’s already got

but during one of those celebrations she almost says “let the poet bless this round!” before catching herself, remembering that she’s... not there

a lot of people give her a glance; why’d she stop?

but she picks herself back up again, only a moment's falter, and just toasts to life and summer

the end of summer.

the revolution rages on. it’s not calmed down--the very opposite, in fact, more ferocious than ever

(and thanks unholy-boi for basically writing this bit for me HBGFHG)

persephone knows something is wrong when the train isn’t early--isn’t on time, but in fact late to pick her up. the summer has stretched on longer than it should, and in some ways, that is just as dangerous as the winter going on for too long

hades has been getting ready to bring her home. it takes browbeating and strongarming to get the trains running, far too late for his liking.

at last the train comes for her, and when it is hermes who offers his hand to bring her onboard, she knows that things in the underworld are bad--an inferno, dangerous if not dire, and she wonders if the songbirds are still alive, or if they’ve gone and the revolution still rages without them

hades aches for his wife, but he dares not step away from hadestown for a moment. he’s become obsessed and absolutely determined to quell, to crush this rebellion

hades is breaking, but refuses to bend, hades has refrains where he refuses to sing but slips into poetry and catches himself halfway through, hades is breaking, he puts in people he believes he can trust and they turn on him out of desperation, hades is running out of places to desperately hold and he is breaking. hadestown is oblivion. hades is wearing a crown that mangled his head.

persephone steps off of the train, and is taken aback by the state hadestown is in

 the people feel her breeze in, and it is some relief, but the can’t tell how this will change things. if it’ll make things worse, if it’ll make it better

people ask for her aid; but she’s too busy looking around, trying to find the songbirds (after getting confirmation that they’re still alive) who are still hiding

and she finds them. she sees orpheus and eurydice (orpheus, who hades so clearly saw himself in, and eurydice, who she sees herself in) still fighting, still in love.

she sees hades’ mercilessness to the boy he sees himself in. she sees eurydice’s unending determination (in contrast to her own grown apathy) 

and she’s reminded of times before. song or no song.

she decides that this cannot keep going, and hades will keep going farther and farther until he fucking self-destructs at the end of his fall and she wants to catch him before that happens

hades raises his fist against his people, persephone takes his hand and she starts singing. the old song. holding his hand. protecting the people. 

la, la la la, la la la 

and he realizes what he’s doing, as music swells, as the rest of hadestown, quietly, starts to join her in singing. as her warmth, her natural warmth, surrounds him, and he smells flowers and feels pollen and sunlight, and he--

well, the ice around his heart starts to crack, and the iron starts to melt

she catches him before he breaks

His Kiss, the Riot is... different

more emotionally charged, i think, because of the fight he’s been fighting for so long, so fiercely and ardently. he’s much more emotionally compromised, stressed and strung out and now everything’s been turned on his head

he can’t just let them go, but he can’t make them stay. he definitely cannot make them stay. and if the songbirds leave, they will take almost all of hadestown with them

it’s not like... Hellfire Notre Dame levels of dramatic. it’s still quiet, dark, and brooding, but hades is. more of a mess, really

but he comes to his conclusion all the same

that’s about all i got on this. i just wanted to make a note. i thought it was important

the task is given: they can walk, but eurydice must walk in front, and orpheus must follow behind. she must not turn behind to see if orpheus is following--if he has not collapsed, and she will not be able to hear if he has. if she turns, she may return above, but her lover will return to hadestown. 

it’s given to eurydice instead because while she might be harder to instill doubt in, she’s as much susceptible to loneliness as any other. she may have been alone for so long, but she is desperate to not be alone again. and orpheus is still weak--still sick, and she fears he might give out before they reach the top, as much as he assures her he’ll be fine

and if they fail, well, they keep the poet, who was damned to hell anyway--a sentence is stronger than a contract

(Also, this is now Wait For Me III (the first being Orpheus on the way to Hadestown; second being Eurydice trying to find Orpheus; this is the third) and it is HUGE and GRAND, as the climax of the revolution. just as big, if not bigger than the bway version’s

(tho as per usual it’s tinged with sadness because of the circumstances, and the fact that, if this were staged, orpheus would be the only one not singing)

and then... doubt comes in

eurydice walks the path to the surface

hermes' warnings echo in her head, all the same he gave to orpheus in the normal timeline

it's cold

the fates badger her and bleed into her thoughts, systematically unwinding her confidence as she marches on through the dark

one foot after the other, she tells herself

after so long of turning her back to the wind, to the fates, she has learned to keep her head on straight

orpheus is not sturdy, especially now, but he is not so weak to fail on a walk like this--long, but simple, and upon even ground

he is there, she tells herself. he is strong enough to keep up.

his heart is strong enough. it has to be.

hades lied to everyone in the underground--hades lied to make hadestown, she thinks

hades...

just this once--

she chooses to believe he didn't lie to her.

(pt. i) (pt. ii) (pt. iii) (pt. v) (epilogue) (askblog)

bonus:

[inkdrinkershadowsinger]

Thoughts/Background Goblet of Fire

What kind of creepy graveyard is this? Skeletons crawling over one another? Snake hidey-holes? Is this Nagini speaking or can she hear Voldemort from that far away? This just shows how fast she is as she moves along the ground here. Literally, we have here the Angel of Death equipped with wings and a scythe, which normally the Grim Reaper carries.

One light on in the caretaker’s house which is right next to the family graveyard? We are assuming that this is the Riddle estate, correct? Wealthy families like that would have had a family graveyard near their home. Also, that house in the background, Riddle Manor? Is super big and though it is dark looks grandiose.

The house here, looks well lived in, but at the same time, almost like it has only recently been inhabited. This is a kitchen, but it looks like there is a shovel on the wall, and only one light?

Still, only one light on in the main Riddle house. Wormtail can’t even draw a curtain? Dang.

Those are some old fashioned keys. I understand that this is a Manor or whatever, but this takes place during the nineties? No one thought to update the locks on this place? Frank mentions, “Those kids”, like people breaking in has been a real problem. Why not update the security? Also, who has been paying for the upkeep of this place? Lucius? Some secret Dark Lord Corporation? Is that why they are old school? Because we all know that wizards like to keep everything super, super, super old school?

Seriously, who is keeping up this place? The topiary is amazing!!

He looks like he is walking up a sort of backdoor entrance or servant’s entrance.

He is the caretaker for the grounds, but can’t dust a little? That clock needs a good one.

The light wasn’t muted because no one was casting a lumos, they were simply using a lamp that had the fabric bits removed that dampen the light.

The way that Barty is smiling when Nagini perches herself on Voldemort’s chair is fucking terrifying.

Ron’s room really is all orange. Such a fanboy.

The Burrow is in such a great spot. The little pond in front, the trees, the openness. The house itself is incredible. Still, only one light on. Whose? You can see the group walking away. That has to be Mr. and Mrs. Weasley’s room. Or Ron forgot to turn off the light, again.

They are all having to run to keep up with Mr. Weasley because he gets his cardio, bitch.

Mr. Weasley is rocking that straw cabana hat because he knows Muggles son!

Such a beautiful shot!

Did they travel through a worm hole here? I know the director or whoever had to make a creative choice in how this was going to be portrayed, but…. Idk.

Everyone is flying around, the arena is clearly segregated into Ireland’s colors or Green, Red, and Yellow, perhaps hinting at the final score of the match? Nice job, filmmakers.

What is this guy juggling? It looks like toy merecreatures almost.

Orange is the Weasley families favorite color. They’re just owning it at this point.

The pitch looks like it is in the inside of a volcano or a mountain.

Some people have seats right on the grass of the pitch? So, if the Weasle’s have bad seats at the very top what would the very lowest seats be classified as?

Who knew that a job qualification for Professional Qudditich players is the ability to adequately throw and spark fireworks?

Krum is a showoff.

Those are omnoculars? What Ron has to his face?

The way that they were all packed in together, it’s a wonder the whole place didn’t burn down with all the incendios they were throwing around.

They are all wizards, underage or not, and this is a life threatening situation, and yet, no one is firing back at the Death Eaters?

Okay, so everything did get torched to the ground. None of these tents had some fire retardant?

That amount of spells coming at the trio.

That style of hat that Crouch is wearing has got to be some ministry trend. Wait until they all hit the trucker hats in the 2000’s.

That Dark Mark is really cool.

I love her hat though. It looks like something that would have been worn to the royal wedding.

Seeing the train is always stunning.

I love the collection of sweets here. Colorful, to attract the youngins.

This is a really colorful movie. The third one was very muted while still being stunning. This and the next one experience with splashes of color that are just beautiful.

They are passing a big lake in the background there. Out of the window just looks wild and remote.

He addresses it clearly to Sirius Black. Is that a qualification for the owls to know where they letter needs to go or do they just have to have been there before? I need to know the specifics of owl travel.

You get to see the whole scope of how large not only Hogwarts is ,but the grounds, and I love that.

You see Neville in this first sequence as they are watching the other schools arrive as well as Fred, George, Ginny, Colin, Harry, and Hermione. Angelina Johnson is in the background behind the twins.

The sails on the Durmstrang ship looks like it is decorated with a two headed dragon. Is that the symbol for Durmstrang?

So while Dumbledore is chatting, Hagrid and Flitwick are behind him chit chatting.

There are two levels to the head table in this movie. The main folk are sitting at the higher table. Snape is leaning against the wall, not directly related to them at all. I bet he hated first days at the school.

Snape is one hundred percent mimicking Dumbledore’s speech for a hysterical Flitwick in the background.

The bald guy behind Dumbledore looks asleep, straight up.

Are butterflies the symbol for Beauxbatons? That would be very interesting. A creature that transforms completely into something else.

Hermione and Ginny are the only two who know what’s up in this shot.

Dumbledore was giving Madame Maxime eyes.

Filch is just standing dead in the middle of the Durmstrang wizards.

He is still standing there when Krum and Karkaroff walk in.

The kids so promptly follow Dumbledore’s instructions even though some of them are probably embarrassed about having to sing the school song.

But not Harry James Potter. He is living for this song.

Again we get so many shots of the school in this movie.

You can see the house point containers behind Dumbledore’s head.

You can see them again after the goblet is revealed.

Is that a tower of marshmallows?

OMgosh! The sky acted up when Crouch Jr came in because Hogwarts knew that he wasn’t who he said he was!!!!

The cup is so primitive looking compared to the container that is in.

It almost looks like each layer was created by a different faction of the wizarding world as a whole. That could definitely be a fanfic.

The perspective starts on the Durmstrang ship which again features a dragon.

Cages, nets in the background of the DADA classroom.

There is also a lot of glass and mirrors in the room which almost makes me think of a fun house where you don’t look like yourself in any of the mirrors which is super fitting for Crouch Jr. at this phase.

Why does Hermione look so suspicious already?

And what is the use of all the bugs, Crouch Jr. you sick mother f-er.

Who needs fifty overflowing worms in a jar?

Dean Thomas is straight up rocking a composition notebook from Walmart on that desk. He is representing Muggle culture at its finest.

Crabbe is wearing a ring. Is that his heir ring? That would be interesting as we see the younger generation start to really get pulled into the war in this film.

The portrait on the stain glass crying. We have all seen this, and appreciate the majesty.

We love a rain soaked Robert Pattinson.

Everyone is just watching the battle between the twins and Hermione.

There is no other light in the Great hall except for the Goblet? Dumbledore does love his aesthetic.

Snape is like, get me out of here.

And that display of power is why all of them dang kids sing that dorky song.

Who is Cedric kissing here as he goes up to the head table?

The cup is like the opposite of the Goblet of Fire. It is shiny and bright and new while the goblet is ancient looking.

You can see Harry’s scar quite prevalently in this shot.

The Hogwarts trophy room. I have never connected this before. It is huge.

Karkaroff has gold fillings.

What are the spinning trophies and where can I get one?

One light on in the top part of the castle.

Pensieve memories are blue, and the Goblet’s fire is blue. Coincidence? Fic writers, you tell me.

The suns on the curtains in the boy’s dorm is a nice touch.

Ron has a homemade quilt. I bet he gets those for birthday gifts instead of the infamous Christmas sweater. Molly Weasley is a boss.

What are all of these trophies for? I bet Dumbledore keeps all the ones that the various clubs and groups have won over the years.

Magical cleaner?

The scope of Hogwarts is amazing.

The owlery is literally covered in bird shit, like every inch. Dumbledore clearly instructs Filch not to clean it to deter frisky students.

Is that a cat on the stairs there?

I can’t ever decide if the Common Room looks too big or too small, here.

Harry talks about Voldemort so casually. But I guess if someone tried to kill me year after year we would form a sort of familiarity.

Those cabinets in the back are filled with board games. Bet me. Gryffindors are notoriously bloody, and game night, gets wild.

I bet Neville spends a lot of his time in the lake just researching and studying all of the different plant life.

Neville cares not at all for the drama behind him. He’s just like, “Give me the plants”.

I love that bright orange flower. Hagrid ain’t no fool. He knows how to get the ladies.

The mist in the background could almost be taken as fog, but then you think about the dragon’s and it literally could be smoke.

Hagrid representing all of the men who are shorter than their women.

There looks to be about six dragon handlers here.

They are carrying branches or their wands lit with fire at the end. Is that to confuse the dragons? Make them think that they already covered that area in their territory and are thus safe?

The handler on top gets bucked off the cage. He is done with this job.

I’m sorry, but those badges are ingenious. Do we know in the movie that Draco is the one that made them or is that fanon?

Those Hufflepuffs are nasty.

The sculpture that is seen in that scene in the courtyard looks like the same one that is present in Half Blood Prince. Do they also move around the castle at will?

Harry pushed Draco, and that guy in the back is like, “Yes, let’s have a fight.” Then he and the other guy straight up bounce when Moody pops on the scene. But Goyle is ride or die. Or maybe they ran and got McGonagall because she came really quickly???? Hmmm??

The walls are all green and lightly moss covered. Gorgeous.

Like, is there a legit list of all the things that teachers cannot do. 1. We do not use Transfiguration as a punishment. 2. Trying to main or kill students is expressively forbidden. 3. Flashy robes are allowed and encouraged. Share in the glorious pattern of life.

Crouch Jr. should have been shitting his pants at being at the end of McGonagall’s wand.

Again with all the mirrors. So, Crouch Jr. can make sure that his transformation isn’t slipping?

What are the faces in the mirror here?  

All the clues were there, and I didn’t see a single one. This movie and book is a masterpiece of plot. Plain and simple.

McGonagall was like, “Let’s not have the arena with the dragons so close to the castle, eh, Albus?”

There is a bed for each of the champions in this tent. Could no one transfigure a couch?

They have punch and muffins in the background. “Lime punch before you fight a dragon?” “Sure.”

I never noticed that blue in Madame Mazime’s hair. I love the school spirit that she is showing here. Dumbledore seriously thought of mimicking her. He would look bomb with a tie die beard. Convince me otherwise.

Filch is featured spectacularly in this movie.

The trunk at the bottom has a red cross on it, making this very likely an emergency tent that just so happens to double as the waiting area for the champions.

Colin made that sign for Harry.

I feel like that chain, oh, I don’t know, could have been magically reinforced or something.

How does his glasses stay on? I bend over, and mine are on the floor.

Even Draco here is like, “Come on, bro.”

Snape knew he should have stayed in bed.

So, does the waterfall seen here does that fall into Hogwart’s grounds as well because that would be awesome for field trips. My love for this ancient, magical castle in the middle of nowhere is unmatched.

Where was Seamus during that challenge? I did not see him.

The picture of the woman in the far left is very striking.

The Black Lake is a huge expanse. I always think of it as kind of small, but it is massive in this movie.

The pastries in the back are floating along the table. So cool.

Mrs. Norris just chilling, waiting to see these pitiful humans embarrass themselves.

Why can’t they have healed Harry? I understand the look, but dang, people continuity.

Neville has got them shiny dancing shoes. Augusta was very pleased when Neville asked her to buy them for him.

Hermione is a queen, and she knows it.

There is that semi circle of stone again from the third film. Hmmm….

Ginny’s friends are coming in with the support. Love a squad.

There was fruit on that table. I always wondered if they got snacks and what not during the daytime, between meals.

What was the need of carriages if the ball was held at the school?

Ron waited until last minute to even try on those robes or he definitely could have worked something out.

Owl sculptures are supporting the fires here.

Krum is dumbstruck by our girl.

Somehow she loses Krum to argue with Ron.

Is that couple making out at the table?

People are dancing in the hallway?

A gaggle of girls are crying on the stairs. Every middle school dance ever.

I’m telling you, whoever designed this cemetery had a very messed up imagination.

Neville stays out all night long. It is morning coming through that window. You dog, you.

Half of the allure of going to Hogwarts is to get to become a prefect and use that bath. Let’s be honest.

Crouch Jr. hates his life right now.

All of those books are like represent my best life.

Half of those students are like, “Yeah, no, you took all my money last time.” Because let’s be real, no one bet on Harry, and Fred and George scored big time.

Those top tiered placed have got to be enlarged with wizard’s space because they are quite small, and the whole school plus the two others are expected to attend each trial? Yeah, not big enough it seems.

Harry is a show off.

Seamus is wearing Hogwarts merch. Like where did he get that? A catalog? Gift shop in Hogsmeade?

You can see the merpeople’s ancient village here, or hints of it. Archways, etc.

Fleur looks legit worried here. Like Harry was right to not trust Dumbledore to ensure their safety when he can’t even tell Fleur who is out of the competition by this point that her sister is going to be okay.

Why are Fred, George, and Ginny right next to Malfoy and Co. for this shot, shouldn’t they be at odds? Or was that the best spot and neither were giving it up?  Or plain movie making reasons?

Harry is wearing a wand holster on his leg. Fanfiction writers catch all the details.

Seamus is like, “I am Harry’s hype man. I will keep him from getting hypothermia.”

Why did Hermione turn French here for that line?

Rescue….. that’s a strong word here, Dumbles.

Crouch Sr. is such an interesting character. He knows what it is like to lose a family, and he has his guard up because of that. Their story and their family is so interesting to me for some reason.

I think that’s the closest that Crouch Jr. gets to breaking character.

If you were born in the nineties you had at least one of those jackets that Hermione is wearing here, and if you had more, you had them in several colors.

Who bewitched Mad-eye’s eye? It is a very powerful magical object in its own right, right?

Please see my post about Sirius and Azkaban.

As soon as Snape is mentioned Crouch puts his head in his hands because he knows Dumbledore is going to have to have a say.

Dumbledore is looking so closely at the details that he misses the bigger picture in Harry’s dreams and Moody’s actions.

It’s so weird that Snape has a storage area for ingredients near Dumbledore’s office. I bet that Snape has several storage areas spread throughout the castle.

Snape could have just looked inside Harry’s mind, and be done with it, but no….because plot.

Neville is carrying yet another plant behind the trio here.

Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle are so carefree here that you almost forget that the happiness of youth that they have at Hogwarts is about to go extinct just like Harry and his friends. All of the kids in this story face a sharp change in perspective after this book.

I like that Harry has fake Moody, Krum has Karkaroff, Fleur has Madame Maxime, but Cedric has his dad because he gets to say goodbye to him.

The maze is just a massive headgame.

Do you think the reason that Fleur ultimately becomes close enough to Krum to ask him to her wedding is because Krum sought her out and made serious recompense for him being imperioused while in the maze?

They are just resorting to brute strength there at the end. The maze making them forget that they are capable wizards. A jelly legs jinx probably would have had much the same effect.

Angel statues I get, but this big dementor, grim looking thing holding the bones of Voldemort’s father. I just don’t get it.

Cedric gave Peter a chance to speak or stop, but Peter again took the cowards way out, and blasted Cedric before he really had a chance to fight back. What a punk bitch.

I’m glad that you are forced to choke your own self Peter because you deserve it.

Voldemort’s transformation here is both stunning and horrible.

The Death Eaters come out of the Dark Mark’s mouth.

Their masks here are different then the ones used earlier in the morning.

Voldemort is snatching their weaves here, and I love it. Stupid klan robe wearing wizard Nazis.

Voldemort puts his foot on Cedric’s face. Like, son, you need to pay for that privilege.

A lot of the Death Eaters here look like they have like staffs. I don’t understand.

A Death Eater in the background is litearlly clapping when Voldemort makes Harry bow, like get a hold of yourself, Hershel.

The statue, again, in the background presents such a striking image as the two duel.

The spell that Crouch Jr. urged Harry to learn is the one that saved Harry.

Harry just wanting to physically protect Cedric’s body with his own. Just heartbreaking.

I’ll never not sob when I hear Amos Diggory sob, “That’s my son! That’s my boy!”

Fred and George look to follow Crouch Jr. and Harry out. Do they tip off the professors?

Doesn’t Crouch know what it is like to stand in Voldemort’s presence? He was just babysitting the man, I mean, dang. Fangirling is one thing, but you have business to handle.

Don’t insult my Neville. I will throw down.

The mirrors are gone at this point. It looks like Crouch has almost packed up because he knows that he will no longer be needed.

Not his blood, ahhhhh!!!!!

Snape puts such flourish into his casting. That scene at the carriages earlier in this film. He looks like he is rearing back away from Karkaroff, but he is merely preparing to cast one fanciful, flourish of a hex on the man.

Just stick your face in the crazy Death Eater’s face, Harry. Great thinking. No wonder Snape doesn’t hold your intelligence in high regard.

We don’t get one look at Professor Sprout. This boy’s Head of House?

Look at all that magical cooperation, and yet, none of this was used in book seven, or any book after except for mentioning Fleur married Bill, and Harry learned a little tidbit about the Deathly Hallows symbol from Krum.

I love this film. It is stunning, and truly made me a diehard HP fan. I don’t think I will ever really tire of it.

[delcat177]

Text in captions, if that won’t read on text to voice please let me know <3

This is a half-year old, but I only paid Blobs Magician to help me out once and I’m fresh out of delicately painted acorns and he gave me commission rights so I’ll be tipping him a ziploc bag of goldfish later

I feel awkward writing about all of this--there was a bit of jealousy when I got my hyst (not projecting, I was told flat by a trans friend), and I worry that I may be making other people feel alone, anxious, or less-than in their gender by talking about it.  If you feel that at all, please, stop right now.  Don’t look in the mirror, because mirrors are scary. Like, really scary, they have ghosts or stuff probably, but also in the genders sense, so instead, look in your head.   Look at your self.  It’s in there, because it is you.  What is happening to me now is a shell upgrade, a hermit crab moving domiciles.  I was a boy once, then a young man, then a oldman, and now I’m a oldman with a society man shell.  Never mistake the shell for the crab, go “hey crab, I like your shell, I hope you find the perfect shell, because you are the perfect inhabitant” and celebrate that crab.  Because we are all crabs, and we are all beautiful, and we all deserve the shells that reflect us as individuals, and anyone who says otherwise can fuck off into a spiny urchin bush and not have a shell.  Or.  Something.  Did I say I felt awkward?  I AM awkward.  But anyway, drive-in movie totals and such after cut, potential TMI, and protect yourself love yourself, you lovely crabs <333

 (with cut ‘cause longtext is looong)

(ORIGINAL POST)

Alt-text: I'm always the last one to know

so uh

I'm a blithe idiot and somehow never processed or dared to dream that this was possible

which makes the timeline look SPECTACULARLY dumb but I was going through SO MANY LIFESTYLE CHANGES

HYST DATE: SEPTEMBER 28, 2016

2017: Me: Man, living in the townhouse has really amped up my leg game, all that up and down stairs.

Me: I'm down ten pounds since the hyst! Megan: That's probably your natural weight. Me: That or getting there.  Not surprising, I'm not feeding the beast constantly.

Me: *punches Megan playfully in the arm* Megan: OW goddammit Del that hurt like SHIT! Me: oh my God I'm sorry I didn't mean to! Megan: It's okay, just be careful! Me: That's so weird I'm sorry D8

Me: man is it just me or am I good in bed lately? oh right I'm the only one here...I guess it's because I'm more confident?

Me: ghghjh my hair's thinning out at the temples, well been expecting that one for awhile, at least it waited for 30

2018:

Me: Holy shit, the stairs plus the shopping is paying off!  My thighs are HUGE!  I wonder if cracking a watermelon with these bad boys is hyperbole.  I bet I could though.  I BET.

Me: Down to 162 and holding, fuck you past doctors!  I just needed ENERGY goddammit!

Me: Wow, I've lost a lot of weight from my face especially.  That makes me super happy.  Anyway better pluck these stray hairs.  ...have I been yanking these more lately?  Getting old is weird.

Me: (struggling with shorts) Megan: Do you need a belt? Me: I'M WEARING A BELT (lifts shirt to reveal belt double wrapped around hips) Megan: Well then Me: I just need to buy new shorts, my ass is just GONE Megan: In the meantime maybe pay attention to what underwear you have on Me: yeah thank God for boxers

Me: My acne scars are heck of acting up.  I wish I hadn't picked at my face so much as a kid, I guess the pores are just kinda fucked, I've read about that happening.

2019:

Megan: New shorts look good Me: I am so bad at shopping Megan: At least you have them now Me: I'm an assless chap is all Megan: Go to bed Del Me: It's four in the afternoon

Me: My throat feels so *thick* lately.  I haven't been hitting the vape that often, why does it feel weird?  And why am I noticing my own voice more?  I NEVER notice my own voice, I make a point of it.  Am I subconsciously pitching it lower like I used to do talking on Skype because I'm more socially active?  What is my brain I'm so AWKWARD Me: UGH I'm falling back into derma habits, I haven't picked in my face in years, I think I need to change cleansers.  But...my face looks...good?  I guess I had this hiding under that baby fat all these years.  ...I guess? Me: Am I getting a hump from my bad computer posture?  Shit. Me: Oh no, it's not a hump, my shoulders are starting to put on muscle!  That's a relief.  That must be from the...laundry?  Carrying...laundry?

AUGUST 5, 2019: Me: (lying in bed) 2 + 2

Me: wait why am I putting on shoulder muscle now?  I've been doing laundry for years, and it's never done that.  And my legs didn't get this buff with a routine job where I was walking three hours a d--

Me:

AUGUST 14, 2019:

New Endocrinologist: We'll test your levels to make sure it isn't a pituitary gland issue or (some syndrome I've already forgotten the name of), and it could be because there's some small element of testosterone in the estrogen replacement, but the brain does produce androgens.  We can definitely look into switching you to T if you want, but if it's facial hair you're worried about...well, once the follicle is there, it's there.  These are irreversible changes.

Me: No on that then but irreversible,, like,, what I have now,, is forever,,,,,,,?

New Endocrinologist: Forever, and I would expect to continue to see muscle gains if you work out.

Me:

welcome to my second puberty please be aware it apparently involves as many mood swings as the first one but i'm tryin'

Since then, it’s been continuing confirm, confirm, confirm. 

My acne turned out to be little follicles growing in odd places--not fullblown hair, just enough to irritate the skin while it was developing. Tiny tufts of 1-3 entirely white, downy hairs have popped up in a few places on my breasts.  The real fuzz proliferation has been in the southern quarters--with all delicacy, there is no itch like the itch of hair beginning to grow anywhere sweat can proliferate, and I now understand why cis men scratch privates in public.  Having NOT gone through a unified social experience with a peer group accepting of such measures, I am sure there is footage on grocery store cams of someone with an agonized expression walking like he has a weasel down his pants and worrying that 30 is early for hemorrhoids.  Both have settled in for the most part, leaving me with a very fluffy, barely-there peach fuzz mustache that’s only noticeable in the right light, some spare hairs across my chin and neck that I keep in order, and a profound relief that I prefer boy shorts and swim trunks.

I went through a few weeks of being especially rank despite all the showering and was worried that was my new normal, but apparently T sweats be like that, and I’m back to smelling like...whatever I smell like, probably lavender with our fabric softener.  I experienced what I believed was a relapse a month later that turned out to be a false positive--specifically, our thermostat was slowly dying and frog-boiling us until it got hot enough that my sister also went “dear God it is a sauna in here”, leading to replacement of the faulty element and another notch in the “my life is dumb” bedpost.

My face bonebs, which I frankly expected the least out of (when I wasn’t expecting at all), have slowly but surely been rearranging, a visual effect doubled by the much faster redistribution of fat.  I honestly have no idea how this one works.  I know more about dead bonebs than live ones.  I would doubt it if I didn’t have pictures to back it up.  I would say it’s easier to look in the mirror now, but I already stated my opinion on mirrors, do it too much and a skeleton will pop out.  It WILL.  My brain tells me this and it is never wrong about fears and or phobias.  Don’t do it kids.

If there’s been a single most beautiful moment so far, it’s been getting back into Steven Universe after a long hiatus, opening my mouth to sing the opening like I did years ago, and realizing all at once that I was singing falsetto.  I ran it back, dropped a register, and the first names I sang became those who would believe in me most.  There were tears, and later, showing it off, there were fierce hugs.  (Yes, the first ep I watched once I realized was Stevonnie, and YES GARNET GOING “GO HAVE FUN” wah)

I can’t begin to express the validation--I am no gender essentialist’s data point, this is MY experience and no one else’s, but I keep going “my aunt had a hyst and didn’t transition and I had one and I am because my brain makes androgens my brain makes androgens MY BRAIN MAKES ANDROGENS IT HAS BEEN MAKING ANDROGENS ALL THIS TIME IT HAS BEEN TRYING” and living in that, living in “not even SCIENCE is against me”, which is a tremendous thing as a scientist.  (As a scientist, I would be a blithering dullard to claim this is the only thing that affects or proves my gender, and I do not.  Again, TERFs fuck off.  This is simply a very validating thing to me, personally, in my experience.  I’m not thrilled that I have to underline that this hard dammit internet.)

What lies ahead is...I don’t know!  I thought I was done changing, but the post I saw that nudged me to finally do this on here went “you may stop being able to cry for awhile” and this is Important because I have been trying to figure out if I have Sjogren’s but apparently I have androgens which is slightly easier to pronounce.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, because transitioning is a lot of “I’m not sure how I feel about this” and then things being okay.  I would definitely say that the more I learn, the easier it is to feel steady and normal, which is important because the mood swings have been REAL.  This is more than I asked for or bargained for, but I still only have one regret, and that’s that my hyst scars are just slightly asymmetrical and it Bothers Me, but even that is growing on me.

I don’t know how to end this post.  I love you all to death, and I hope if you’re seeking transition, you find it and twenty dollars, and if you’re not seeking transition, you still find twenty dollars.  Thank you so much for you and all you do and are.  Remember--you are great!

Unless you’re truscum.  Then this post isn’t for you (dammit Internet) and you can fall off a boardwalk onto a dead fish.  Have fun with that!

hekk